Heero sat on the edge of his bed. There was no use trying to fall back to sleep. He had another dream about her. He ran a tired hand through his hair. Sometimes he would curse the day he met her. He had everything he wanted out of life. After the uprising of Mariemaia, wars had been at bay, and the perfect soldier began to feel. The more time passed, the more the hard shell around him crumbled. He was with Relena. He loved her and he was pretty sure she loved him. He thought about asking her to marry him soon. That was until a particular girl popped into his life.

//Just when I believed I couldn't ever want for more
This ever changing world pushes me through another door//

(6 months prior)
Duo walked into Heero's office unannounced, as was his usual custom when he came to town. "Hey buddy!" Duo exclaimed, drawing Heero's attention. He stopped typing and looked up. It had been a while since Duo had been to earth. Quatre informed him that Duo had been living on L2 with his girlfriend. He was surprised to learn it was the same girl who got the Libra disk for them. He never saw her except when she was wheeled off to the infirmary onboard Peacemillion."What brings you down here Duo?" Duo looked back at the door and smiled. "Well i wanted you to meet someone. Hilde, come in." In walked a petite raven haired girl. Heero couldn't take his eyes off her. He shook his head and looked back at Duo trying to force his heart to stop racing. "Heero this is my fiancee Hilde. Hilde, this is my best friend in the entire universe, Heero." Hilde smiled brightly at him and Heero felt his heart leap out of his chest. What was wrong with him? Why did this girl twist his guts into knots? It was after that moment that his thoughts never left her.

//I saw you smile
And my mind could not erase the beauty of you face
Just for awhile
Won't you let me shelter you//

Duo and Hilde stayed on earth for months after that. Duo said it was because they wanted to move here and they were checking out places to live. Heero was ecstatic and uneasy about the decision. He thought that once Hilde left, everything would be fine. With Duo finding a house and job, Hilde began to hang out with Heero and Relena more and more. He had a nagging suspicion that Hilde may feel the same way. Heero tried pushing his feelings away. She was his best friend's fiancee. He almost had his own fiancee.What he was feeling rang out wrong on so many accounts. One night Hilde and Heero went out alone. Heero walked next to her as they took a short cut through a park close to his apartment. Hilde pulled him towards the small pond. "Let's sit for a moment." She asked. He just nodded, afraid to open his mouth, afraid that if he did, he would start something he would not be able to undo.

Hilde took a seat on one of the small benches near the pond. Her heart was racing and sinking at the same time. Could Heero be the one she was searching for? She always thought it was Duo that she was meant to be with until she met this mysterious, gorgeous man that ironically enough was her fiancee's best friend. What was she getting herself into. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back to the stars, feeling the cool breeze across her face. She had to know. She had to see if Heero felt anywhere near the same way she did because if she didn't it would drive her mad forever. How would she deal with his answer?

Heero continued to stare at Hilde's face, watching emotions fleeting across it. "What are you thinking about?" He asked, cautious, nervous...down right scared. She turned to face him. "If it's private you don't have to tell me." He offered.

She bit her lip. Duo would push for an answer, whether she was willing to give it or not. This was another good mark for Heero, that he wouldn't push her, although she could read in his eyes that he really wanted to know. "How do you feel about me Heero?" She asked bluntly.

Heero gulped. "I....I.." *Just say it* he kept telling himself but he couldn't get the words out.Hilde took it as a negative answer and looked down, disapointed. "I can't stop thinking about you." He finally whispered. Hilde felt her heart jump. "I know it's wrong. I can't help it though. It's like your the one i've been waiting my whole life for." She felt her heart race even faster. "I feel the same way." She answered back. Heero closed his eyes tightly. "But this is wrong. Duo's my best friend." he replied brokenly. Her answer was to pull his face close to hers. "Is it any less wrong to deny what you feel in your heart?" They stared into eachothers eyes, calm waters matched to turbulent waves as each searched for the answer. Heero closed his eyes and his lips found their way to hers, pressing lightly against them at first. She parted her lips to deepen the kiss. Heero pulled away. "We can't do this here." Hilde nodded. "Take me back to your place." Heero raised an eyebrow. "You sure?" Hilde just smiled that brilliant smile that made him melt. He helped her up and they headed off to his home. Once there they inside, Heero pulled her up against him, pressing her up against the door with his hips. Hilde moaned softly as she ran her fingers through his wildy soft hair. Thoughts of Duo and Relena were absent now. The only things on their minds were each other.

//Hold on to the nights
Hold on to the memories
I wish that I could give you something more
That I could be yours//

Hilde laid her head in the crook of Heero's shoulder, letting her fingers graze over his soft skin. She smiled wistfully as she felt goosebumps form under her fingers when they danced over a sensitive spot. She could tell he was thinking. She couldn't. Her mind was completely blown away by what happened. She had no idea how to explain it, it all happened so suddenly. "What do we do now Heero?" She asked softly. He didn't answer at first, just held her close to him, marvelling at how perfect she fit into his arms. "We keep this to ourselves." He stated as he pulled her on top of him and positioned her to recieve him again. "For how long?" She asked, feeling him start to fill her. "As long as we can." he answered back, before fully sheathing himself inside her, ending all questions both were full of. All that mattered was this moment together.

//How do we explain something that took us by surprise
Promises in vain, love that is real but in disguise//

Hilde met Heero at the office the next afternoon. Both had agreed to pretend as if nothing had happened. Eventually during the day or night they would find a way to sneak off to be together. But if was becoming more and more difficult as time passed. They ended up at Heero's apartment one night again. Hilde laid on the couch, curled up against Heero's body. The moon illuminated shadows on the contours of his face as she gazed up at him. "We can't keep this up." He stated softly. Hilde felt tears well up in her eyes as he spoke what she was thinking. "I know." She whispered brokenly. He sighed and sat up, pulling her up with him. "Duo and Relena are not stupid. They'll find out about this." Hilde nodded. "I know Heero I know. But it doesn't make it any easier." She let the tears she had been holding back fall. Heero looked away, feeling his heart wrench in his chest. No matter what he chose here, he would lose. He decided to tell her what Duo had said today. "Hilde.....Duo's going to ask you to marry him." Her eyes went wide. "What?! When?" Heero tried to hide his jealousy from her. "He talked about it with me today. I can't do this to him. I can't do this to Relena either." Hilde pulled him to her and held him close. "Me either. We're being selfish and i know it.. but i can't help it." She started to cry. "I can't help how i feel about you." Heero hugged her tightly and she sobbed harder as she felt her shoulders grow wet with tears that were not hers. "I don't know what to do." He sobbed softly. "I can't stop loving you.".

//What happens now
Do we break another rule
Let our lovers play the fool
I don't know how
To stop feeling this way//

They spent their last night together, just holding eachother, each hoping the sun would never rise. It did as they both knew it would. With the sunrise came their goodbyes. The time they had spent together would be etched into Heero's memory for the rest of his life. Though it was killing him inside, he knew that he had made the right choice. He couldn't bring himself to hurt his best friend or Relena. He loved them both as well. Duo asked Hilde to marry him the next day and she accepted. Heero congratulated his old friend and kept a small smile on his face for appearances. After he returned to his apartment, he let his facade falter. He couldn't lead this life anymore, false smiles, even more fake happiness. He was too honest a person for that. " I can't stay here." He told himself. The bedroom, the couch, everything held too much an energy that would drive him mad. He started to pack his belongings. He had to get away from this. He knew that he could never forget what had happened, but gaining distance would make it easier to bear. After he had packed he called Relena. "Hi, darling." Relena answered sweetly on the phone. The guilt tore him up inside as she looked at him with love in her eyes. He didn't deserve it. But he would make it up to her. "Come away with me." He stated. Her eyes widened in surprise. "Where?" She asked. "Anywhere. Let's just leave. Come with me?" His voice was almost pleading. Relena nodded in agreement, making him smile. He arranged to pick her up in a few hours. He had one last stop to make before leaving.

Hilde answered the door and froze as she saw Heero standing there. She felt her heart leap in her chest. She had agreed to marry Duo, knowing he would make her happy. But she wanted to be with Heero. She felt she just couldn't win. "What are you doing here?" She whispered even though Duo wasn't home. Heero took a deep breath. Seeing her was too hard on him. He had to make this brief or he'd never leave. "I came to say goodbye...for good this time." It wasn't what she wanted to hear. "It's too hard to be near you but not be able to touch you or tell you how i feel. I'm leaving. You'll have to tell Duo goodbye for me." Hilde felt tears sting her eyes as his words sunk in. He was really leaving this time and he had no intentions of coming back. She swallowed hard. He was doing the right thing. No matter how much it hurt him, he always did. He lifted her chin to stare at her eyes. "You have the most beautiful eyes." He commented, burning the image of her face into his mind. "But their nothing compared to your smile."

//Well, I think that I've been true to everybody else but me
And the way I feel about you makes my heart long to be free
Everytime I look into your eyes, I'm helplessly aware
That the someone I've been searching for is right there//

She burst into tears and held him fiercely to her. "Oh god Heero i love you! I love you so much." He hugged her back. "I love you too. i always will." He pulled away and wiped her tears. "Hold on to the nights. If you ever need me, just think of those perfect nights we had and i'll be with you ok?" She nodded, her body shaking from the sobs she was holding back. He turned and walked back to his car and she let him go. "Hold on to the nights, Heero." She whispered as he drove away. Her heart sank as she came to realize she would never see him again. But she would remember what he said to her. He loved her as much as she loved him. That was all that mattered.

//Hold on to the nights//

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