//Hold on
Hold onto yourself
For this is gonna hurt like hell//
She knew she shouldn't cry, if only for his sake. It was beyond her, really, how she was the one that was so broken up over everything that had happened… She should be comforting him, but instead it was him that always ended up comforting her.
It's not like she felt she shouldn't care. She SHOULD care… but so should he. And all he ever did was flash her that same watery smile and say that he was fine.
He was NOT fine, and more time passed the worse he became.
//Hold on
Hold onto yourself
But know that only time will tell//
And the worse he became the more she retreated into her own hopeful world, where he WOULD be fine. Where everything miraculously worked out for the better, where his smile was strong and his face rosy rather than the ice-pale specter that looked up at her.
But somehow that didn't comfort her much.
//What is it in me
That refuses to believe
This isn't easier than the real thing//
"Hilde." His voice still held some semblance of the man she knew and loved, but it was so soft and tired, like it might break if to quickly released. Slowly she sat beside him, pushing away the hair that was stuck with sweat to his forehead.
"Yes?" She whispered in response to his call, afraid to break the ominous silence of the room. His hand reached over to close around hers, and he squeezed it tightly as his eyes slid closed.
"Stay with me… please…"
//My love
You know that you're my best friend
You know that I'd do anything for you//
"Of course." She whispered, still stroking the hair from his forehead. "Anything. Whatever you want."
His hand was strong around hers, and that comforted her as she lay her head against the pillow beside his. "I love you." He whispered to her, and she blinked through the tears.
"I know. Oh god, Duo… I love you so much…" She tried not to hear the echoes of her choked sobs in the large, silent room. "I'm so afraid…"
And this time it was his hand stroking her hair, him comforting her, as always. "Shh, please don't cry… I love you always, Hilde, always…"
//My love
Let nothing come between us
My love for you is strong and true//
"It's not fair." She whispered. She had known his so long, so briefly… years and yet it was hardly long enough. And even in all that time it was not until he fell ill that she had finally been able to tell him that she loved him.
Why? Because she had nothing left to lose.
And he had told her that he felt the same. He had held her close, comforting her though it was not her who faced down his Shinigami. She had felt her heart soar for those few brief moments, when she could forget where and who she was, and most of all how futile those mere words were.
//Am I in heaven or am I...
At the crossroads I am standing//
And she heard his soft breath against her ear, felt the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath the hand he still held. Who would've ever thought that such simple things could comfort her so much - just knowing that he was alive and breathing.
"God?" Such an appeal would've never come naturally to her before. Like her love she had no reason to believe in the existence of some benevolent deity, but there was little else she had to believe in anymore. All she wanted was for him to open his eyes tomorrow, to look up at her even for one more day.
She wanted to live each day as if it were her last, for a life without him would not be life at all.
//So now you're sleeping peaceful I lie awake and pray
That you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day
And we will praise it and love
The light that brings a smile across your face//
"God… I know I never pray." She whispered, tears coming to her eyes. "I know… that I've never done anything to deserve him…" The words came of their own will, falling over her lips and hanging motionless in the still, stale air of the room, mocking her. She had so long declared no beliefs, and yet now when there was no hope, whom did she turn to? To whom did she make her appeal?
//Oh god
If you're out there won't you hear me
I know that we've never talked before//
"Please… please tell me that he'll stay with me…" There were tears pouring over her cheeks, this time they were silent.
Such a selfish, selfish plea and slowly a different prayer appeared over her lips.
"If you must take him… please, let him be happy. He did no sin, he's only a child." Forming coherent words became harder and harder. "It's not fair, we're just children…"
//Oh god
The man I love is leaving
Won't you take him when he comes to your door//
She closes her eyes as she crawls up beside him, wrapping her arms around his svelte form. Holding him close so that the warmth of her body might bleed a little warmth into him, into his dreams. How long had she longed to hold him, to breath in the scent of his skin and his hair, to be allowed to be close to him…
But not like this… not like this…
//Am I in heaven here or am I in hell
At the crossroads I am standing//
She feels sleep claiming her and she knows that there is chance, there is always a chance that she will awake alone.
She can't face that. She refuses to. But it still hangs there before her as a fact she cannot deny.
"Please." And she whispered nothing cleared than that, with a voice weary and husky from tears. "Oh God… please."
//So now you're sleeping peaceful I lie awake and pray
That you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day
And we will praise it and love
The light that brings a smile across your face//
And as the morning light slides through the window, creating little bars of light across them she almost smiles. Daylight has come, something never stopped.
Tears drip from her eyes. But the morning doesn't care.
The sun rises still, even though the body in her arms is cold against her, eyes closed, lashes making dark half-moons against the pale cheeks.
And she squeezes her eyes closed and pulls his lifeless body closer to her, as if to give him some of her life. She defies the morning, she defies the world, and she defies the god that cares nothing for her.
And she kisses cold lips for the final time through her cold, silent tears.
//Hold on
Hold onto yourself
For this is gonna hurt like hell//
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