She loved the earth, it was true. So few ::too few:: time had she been here, and every time it seemed more beautiful than the last. The colonies were metallic and fake, but earth - earth was the reality from which the colonies were poorly recreated.
Cool air and the alluring scent of sakura surrounded her like a blanket, cool to her flesh but warming to her soul. Though she sat alone, it was not the icy loneliness that had haunted her for so long. This was different - it was a silent communion with herself. She felt as if for the first time, beneath her quicksilver smile and cornflower blue eyes, she was whole inside.
//All the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore//
She breathed in the scent of sakura and the air around her, feeling every centimeter of it as it filled her lungs. She smiled into the retreating sunlight, the faded remains of unshed tears sparking in her eyes.
He had been a part of her, yes. And when that part had been taken away, it had hurt. But she was not beyond saving. She was the only one who could live her life, and always had been.
She would always love him. But she was the one who had to live, not him.
//It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh
It's my mouth that pushes out this breath//
"I thought I'd find you here." The voice was soft and gentle, and the speaker lower to the ground beside her, crunching sakura blossoms beneath his black boots. She smiled at him and grasped his hand in hers, pulling him closer.
"I like it here." She whispered.
"Here on the earth?" He asked quietly.
She smiled, brushing away long forgotten tears that still sparkled slightly in her bright eyes. "And here with you." She breathed back, trying to let him feel the truth behind her words.
He brushed away the tears with his thumb, laying a soft kiss against her forehead. "I know."
//And if I shed a tear I won't cage it
I won't fear love
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love//
It had been strange how the had found each other. Two people so different, and yet so the same. She was so unaccustomed to her solitude… there was a time when it had been all she knew, but that was long ago, and she could no longer accept it.
And him, all too accustomed to it, so much so that it was as much a part of him as his deep voice and fathomless eyes.
How unlikely a pair.
Together only to air out their separate demons?
//Companion to our demons
They will dance and we will play//
But it went so much farther beyond that.
She was alone and he knew it as well as she did. And while others came by to drop their condolences and fill her empty house with the disgustingly sweet smell of wilting flowers, he filled it with himself. While others offered words, he offered actions. When others offered apologies, he offered the real warmth of a caring embrace.
So many peculiar memories…
There had been a time when morning made her cry. She had lost him in the morning, and there was nothing the sun could do to comfort her. The reality of starting a new day without him was too painful to bear.
Until one morning she had awoken and the sun had not risen. She rubbed her eyes, confused, and she saw black drapes pulled over the window, light coming only from the soft glow of white candles. And before she could rise she had felt him pull blankets up over her, pressing lips to her temple.
"Morning won't come until you are ready for it." He whispered.
//With chairs, candles and clothes
Making darkness in the day//
And she had slept, dreaming gentle dreams, and somehow she never felt that desire to cry.
She dreamed of joyous times, without regretting.
She dreamed of the past, without shedding any tears.
And she saw what could've been, without bitterness.
//It will be easy to look in or out
Upstream or down
Without a thought//
She had woken to the light of candles, an there he was , beside her.
"I'm ready for morning." She whispered.
And as he had pulled back those black drapes and let light pour into the room she had smiled. There was her sun. It was not real, but it was light, and it was HERS.
For the first time she had smiled through the tears, and she had turned to embrace him.
"Arigato." She whispered.
//And if I shed a tear I won't cage it
I won't fear love
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love//
He had stayed longer than she asked, longer than she hoped. Almost as if to show her that she was NOT alone. On her struggle to find herself he had been there to support her.
And when she found a way to live without her laughing Shinigami he would still be there for her.
//Peace in the struggle to find peace
Comfort on the way to comfort//
"What are you thinking, love?" he whispered to her, his soft voice tickling the hair beside her ear, and she wished idly to stay like this forever.
"Just remembering." She replied, smiling as she curled closer to him. His arms came up around her, almost protective.
"Cold?" he asked carefully, and she smiled again, burying her face in his jacket, breathing in the scent of him.
"No." She replied. "Never again."
//And if I shed a tear I won't cage it
I won't fear love
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love//
"We should go." He whispered to her, lifting her with him as they stood. Her hands fisted possessively in his shirt.
"Trowa?"
//I won't fear love//
He looked down at her with those deep green eyes. "Hai?"
She pulled closer, as if trying to make herself a part of him.
"Just a little longer…"
//I won't fear love//
*~ OWARI ~*
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