After Colony- 198

I hear the doorbell ring from the scrap yard behind the house where I'm fixing my friend Chris's car. The stereo in the house is cranked all the way up, blaring a hard, driving rock song by some local band. I can still hear the bell, though. Hilde made sure the guy who hooked it up for us so long ago made it extra-loud so I could hear it. I had a tendency to get too wrapped up in my work- or, at least, /pretend/ to get too wrapped up- and whoever was at the door usually got ignored.

I ignore them now.

Two months ago, I would have went running as soon as I heard that bell, hoping against hope that it was her, finally returning to me.

My Hilde.

Those hopes are all gone now.

The doorbell rings again, a bit more insistently. I don't even want to think about who it is. It's more than likely a girl, one of the many I had slept with during those last two weeks with Hilde, trying desperately to convince myself, and her, that I didn't need her.

Boy, was I fucking idiot. Not only did it not work, but now, in the past two months, girls I can't even remember have been calling me, leaving messages on my machine, coming to my house. Even girls at Preventer, where I'm working. Or rather, where I /was/ working.

I put in my resignation to Miss Une last week. Thankfully, she understood. I guess since Heero quit, the day before he disappeared with Hilde, she figured us Gundam pilots really weren't all that reliable. Save Wufei, that is. But everyone knows he's just there because Sally Po is.

I don't even have my so-called best friend anymore. There is no reason for me to stay at Preventer. And now that Hilde is gone, someone has to run the scrap yard.

That's my life now.

The doorbell rings yet again. I ignore it still. Hopefully, by now, whoever it is will get the picture and give it up.

I keep working.

I don't want to miss Hilde.

At least the business has managed to keep my mind off her somewhat lately. I don't think I've ever had so many orders for parts to fill, or so many cars to fix. Cars: My second love after Hilde. My only love now.

At least I still have that.

And I'm doing good, I guess. I'm ok, considering everything that has happened.

I'm alive.

The doorbell rings. Louder this time, it seems. Whoever it is is /not/ going away.

I remove my head from the car's engine with a grunt of annoyance and knock it against the roof of the hood. That's what I get for ignoring the person at my door.

"Shit!" I mutter angrily, throwing down my wrench. The loud clatter it makes on the concrete floor only makes the throbbing in my head hurt more, and I reach up with one hand to rub the sore spot.

Great. Now I've got grease all over my forehead.

Whoever this is had better be worth it.

I grab a semi-clean blue rag from a hook by the door leading from the yard back into the house and quickly try to wipe the black junk off my face. I think I'm only smearing it down my cheek, though.

"Shit," I say again, turning down the volume on the stereo as I pass it on my way to the door. The rock band is still playing. They actually sound pretty good.

I toss the now-filthy rag onto the already messy living room floor and run to the door, giving my long bangs a quick finger-combing before I pulling it open.

Who knows, it just might be Hilde, I think with a sad, bitter smile.

Yeah, right. But I'm close.

I practically fall over when I see who it is.

The girl standing in front of me is tall, almost my six foot, two inches height, even in the white, low-heeled sandals she is wearing. I look evenly into her big, sparkling aquamarine eyes, lined in a shimmery white and shadowed with a pale, ethereal pink the same color as her modestly cut V-neck dress. Shiny, wet pink lips curve upward in a smile, and she swings back her long, thick golden hair, the ends brushing her elbows.

"Hello, Duo," she says, still smiling. "I hope I haven't come at a bad time."

Relena Darlian.

The Vice Foreign Minister.

Hilde's friend, and Heero's sometime romantic interest.

The other one they left behind.

Why the hell is she here?

I must have given her a strange look because her brows are furrowed and she stares up at me in concern.

"Am I bothering you?" she asks, shifting the fancy shopping bag in her hand almost nervously. "I can always visit another time, if you'd like. I probably should have called you first-"

I shake my head quickly, finally snapping out of my reverie, and hold up my hand, interrupting her. She is still a friend, after all.

"No, no, no," I reply, forcing a cheerful smile and holding the door open wider. "Come on in, I was just finishing up some work for a friend. Didn't hear ya over the music, sorry."

Relena returns my smile, relaxing a little, and steps tentatively inside, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

I glance outside for a moment before closing the door, looking for Miss Une or Lieutenant Noin, or any of the usual entourage that follows Relena around, for that matter. But only a simple, elegant white sedan is parked beside my shitty black one in the driveway.

She's alone. I turn back to her now, watching as she takes in the chaos of my living room and its lack of furniture. I decide not to ask her why she's here yet. Better to start off easy, small.

"Sorry about the mess here," I say, gesturing to the box and garbage littered carpet and giving her a sheepish grin. "I would've cleaned up if I knew I'd be having company-"

"Are you moving?" Relena asks suddenly, catching me by surprise. Those big, shimmering eyes meet mine again, and I can see an almost desperate worry behind them, matching the urgency in her voice.

Why does she care?

"No," I finally reply, keeping my tone guarded. "No. Just needed a change, that's all. The furniture before was all second-hand, anyway." Yeah, and it all reminded me of Hilde. Especially the couch, where she slept that last night.

The night I apologized to her.

The night she should have stayed, made her final decision. But she did, and the next night she disappeared with Heero.

Relena's Heero…

I guess she caught the uneasiness in my voice because she smiles now, almost apologetically, and pushes her hair back absently.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't mean to be nosy. It is just that you haven't been at work at all in the past week, and I've been worried about you…" Her eyes meet mine meaningfully. "That is why I came over. To see if you were alright. And I noticed the boxes now…" She gestures around the room.

Baka. Of course she cares.

We are both the same, both living the same life now.

We're both trying.

I smile, immediately sorry I mistrusted her earlier, and let myself relax a little. "So they actually let the Vice Foreign Minister herself go check on a lowly employee?" I ask, widening my eyes in mock surprise. "I'm flattered."

Relena laughs, an embarassed, pretty laugh, and looks away, the long, straight golden curtain of her hair sweeping over her shoulder to hide the delicate flush in her cheeks. She's cute, almost like Hilde…

What the hell am I thinking?

"I'm allowed to get away sometimes," she replies. "I don't have any meetings today, and you're an important part of Preventer."

"I never knew shift manager was such an important job," I reply with a sarcastic grin. She blushes again and shakes her head.

I'm flirting with Relena.

Shit.

I reach up to rub the back of my neck. My head is still sore from where I hit it, and it begins to throb dully again from the confused, awkward thoughts racing through my mind.

I know she really came here to talk about Heero and Hilde. And I'm ready to move on, just like her.

I just don't know if I'm ready /now/.

I don't know if she is, either, though.

Relena finally breaks the silence after a moment, holding up her shopping bag.

"I brought some chocolate cake and raspberry Chardonnay for you," she says, smiling cheerfully. Bravely.

I know that she knows the truth behind this whole charade, too. And that I've realized it.

"Look," she continues, reaching up to smooth her hair again. "I understand if you don't want to talk to me. But I did want to see how you were, and to give you this." She puts down the shopping bag. "I can go now, really. I am glad that you're ok. And that you are not moving." She nods, not meeting my eyes, and moves to push past me to the door.

To both of our surprise, I reach out and grab her arm, pulling her back. Wide aquamarine eyes gaze up at me.

I have to do this.

For both of us.

For /all/ of us.

"No," I reply, my voice coming out more desperate than I'd intended. "No," I try again, choking back the emotion threatening to creep back in. "I do want to talk, Relena. Stay with me."

My hand tightens on her arm. She continues to stare at me, silent but for her breathing, which seems more labored, ragged now. My entire body is tense, hot.

Arousal.

We ignore it and she nods, turning back towards the living room. I pick up the shopping bag and follow her over to a bare spot on the messy carpet.

We sit down. I take out the cake and the Chardonnay, grab some plastic cups and plates from one of the boxes. We share it all in silence. The wine is delicious- Smooth, silky as it slides down my throat, the raspberry flavoring light, sweet. The cake is just as good, the chocolate rich, melting in my mouth.

We share two more cups of the wine before Relena breaks the silence once again, meeting my eyes over the rim of her cup.

"Have you heard from Hilde at all?" she asks casually, taking another languid sip of her wine.

I shake my head, take my own drink. "What about Heero?" I return her question.

Relena lowers her eyes, smooths the straight skirt of her dress over her legs demurely. "No," she replies softly, her voice distant, almost dreamy. "Not at all." Her lips curve in a bitter smile.

"Not that I ever expect to hear from him," she continues, still gazing down at the cup in her hands. "He told me he would be going away, where no knew him as Heero Yuy. And I don't expect him to come back." She pauses for breath and I watch as her small, delicate hands tighten around her cup.

She's angry. I can tell when she finally looks back up, the soft flecks of lilac in the aquamarine depths flashing dark violet, piercing the soft blue-green color.

"I never expect him to come back," Relena says again, her voice stronger, louder this time. "But for some reason, that doesn't ever stop me from missing him, or wishing that he /will/ come back someday. Do you feel that way about Hilde?"

I stay silent. It was true that I felt that way before. Two months ago, to be exact.

But I gave all that hope up. Even though I still love her, I don't hope for Hilde anymore.

I don't. I just live.

I take another sip of my wine and laugh. Relena gazes at me, confusion clouding her eyes now.

"I stopped wishing a long time ago," I finally reply. "I mean, she made her decision. It's not like we were married or anything, anyway."

But we could have been, I think angrily, crushing my cup unconsciously in my hands.

She left the engagement ring on our dresser the night she left.

I guess it didn't mean a damn thing after all.

Relena shakes her head. "But you still love her… No matter what, you have to still love her in some way, because you shared something," she says. "Even I still love Heero, even though-"

"I don't love her anymore!" I shout, cutting Relena off and making her flinch from the harshness in my voice. I feel tears begin to sting my eyes and I shut them tight, willing myself not to cry, focusing on my anger instead of my sadness.

The anger that I hadn't allowed myself to feel since the night I picked Hilde up from Heero's apartment, the night I finally found out the truth about them.

The anger I had pushed away because I loved her, telling her she could come back to me.

The anger that I had tried to deal with by putting Hilde and myself through Hell, with the girls, the alcohol, and the crazy, unprotected sex two months ago. And even after that, I gave her a chance to come back.

But I blew it. I blew it myself because I hadn't dealt with my anger, hadn't really accepted it. I kept on loving her, and when I finally tried to deal with it, I only made it worse.

I only gave Hilde another reason to leave me, not to love me. If she ever did.

So I don't love her anymore.

I don't /want/ to love her anymore.

I want to be numb, to not feel anything. Not to wish, not to hope.

I just want to live.

Because that's all I deserve. That's all I /should/ deserve, after all the death and pain I've been through.

I tried to live a normal life with Hilde.

Now that that's all blown to pieces, I just want to live.

To try and be happy.

The way she is now.

Relena listens to me silently, her eyes lowered, fixed on the cup she's still holding tightly in her hands. Tears shimmer in her dark eyelashes, catching there for a moment before continuing down her cheeks.

I'm crying now, too, choking back sobs behind clenched teeth. Letting the sadness overtake me again.

Because I love Hilde Schbeiker. Will always love her.

I can't be numb.

I close my eyes.

After a long moment, I feel a small, female hand touch my knee. Comfortingly.

I raise my head from my hands and open my eyes.

Relena stares back at me, her eyes clear, bright. She moves her hand up from my knee to touch my face, gently. She brushes back my bangs, her fingertips grazing the sore spot where I hit my head earlier. I grimace in pain and she trails her hand back down to my cheek, stroking almost lovingly.

"I want to live, too," she finally speaks, her eyes fixing on mine. I can see the flecks of lilac in them clearly again, swirling almost hypnotically in the blue-green. She has beautiful eyes. She continues to caress me.

"I want to live," Relena repeats. "But I don't want to stop loving them. Hilde is my friend, and Heero…" She shakes her head as if to clear it, lowering her eyes. I wait for her.

"I suppose what I mean is that we have to cross over," she continues after a moment, raising her eyes to mine once again. "We can't just close down the part of our life we shared with them. We have to rise to the next level instead, and take their memory, the love we have for them, with us. So that we can share it with someone else… So we can move on, without losing them."

Nothing in my life has ever made more sense.

Suddenly, without a word, I kiss her, catching her tongue with mine.

It's short, innocent.

Relena pulls away, her eyes wide with surprise, smoky violet with the arousal we ignored earlier, her moist, pink lips parted as if she wants to say something.

I stare back at her, unable to explain myself, and not wanting to. She knows, anyway.

We have to cross over.

I'm ready to try.

So is she.

We kiss passionately now, our tongues tangling slowly, sensually. Feeling, tasting. Her arms wrap around my neck, pulling me closer. I grasp her hips, letting my hands explore the curvaceous contours of her long, slender body.

One hand finds the hem of her dress and slides it up one slim, perfectly crafted thigh, fingers stretching towards the hot, moist center between her legs.

Relena cries out softly through our kiss and turns her head away.

I move my hand back out from under the skirt of her dress to grasp her chin, making her face me.

"Relena," I say softly.

"Hilde-" she begins, but I stop her with a finger to her lips.

"I want to do this, Relena," I go on, smoothing a strand of golden hair behind her ear. "I want to cross over… With you."

Because we love them both.

Because we understand that love, because we share it.

Because this isn't just sex.

This is healing.

For all of us.

I don't have to say any of this. Relena understands it all.

A small smile curves her lips now and she kisses me again. Her hand grasps mine and slides it back down between her legs.

I rub her through her panties as we kiss, her wetness soaking through the thin, lacy material, increasing as she begins a slow, steady rhythm against my fingers.

I tickle her sex gently as we continue to kiss, letting her work herself on my hand until I feel her let go, covering my fingers in sticky, clear fluid. She cries her release against my lips and I remove my hand gently, hooking my fingers in the crotch of her panties and pulling the sexy garment off, taking it with my hand.

Relena breaks our kiss to watch as I lick her sweet fluid off my fingers, enthralled. I smile as she crawls closer to me and takes my wet hand, bringing it up to her lips to taste herself. Her tongue is soft, wet on my skin, and well-practiced as she licks slowly up and down each finger. I suddenly want her mouth on me somewhere else, her tongue stroking me in a different place.

But I don't push her, don't rush this.

I want this to last forever, I realize.

This is the first time since Hilde that I have actually wanted this, that I am enjoying this.

Relena finishes cleaning up my fingers and moves back to sit on her heels, her eyes fixed on mine. She reaches up behind her, finds the zipper to her dress. She watched my eyes as she pulls it down, letting the dress fall from her shoulders to expose gorgeous breasts encased in a pale pink, lace push-up bra.

She is beautiful.

I want her.

I want to make love to her, the way I did with Hilde.

Relena pushes the top of her dress down to her waist, leaving it on to cover her nakedness below, and leans forward to kiss me again. Her hands pull the hem of my dirty blue T-shirt out of the waistband of my jeans and slide it up over my head.

I watch through half-lidded eyes as Relena's blonde head ducks down to kiss my bare chest, her fingers running up and down the smooth contours. My nipples are rock-hard, their pain matching the one in my groin, and I cry out as she begins to suckle them, biting them gently with small, even teeth.

Smoky, lilac-blue eyes snap upward at my cry of pleasure, and she kisses her way back up my chest, licking each nipple gently before her tongue moves back up to trace my lips lazily.

"Relena," I moan softly through our kiss, voicing my desire. She nods and pulls back to sit on her heels again. A small, almost teasing smile plays across her lips as she reaches behind her and unhooks the clasp of her bra.

I watch as the straps fall from her delicate shoulders, the lacy garment barely hanging from her perky, ample breasts. She smiles.

I know what she wants.

Slowly, I reach forward and slide the straps all the way down her shoulders, freeing her breasts and exposing their beautiful entirety to me. I draw in my breath sharply.

God, she's perfect.

My eyes must have widened as I stare at her because she looks away, shyly, embarassed, hiding behind long, silky hair. A delicate flush rushes hotly through her body, turning her smooth, milk-and-honey complexion rosy pink.

I touch her chin gently and lift her face to mine.

"Please… don't," I say. "You're beautiful."

Relena meets my gaze slowly, her cheeks still suffused with light scarlet. I smile encouragingly at her, running my hands back up from her arms to her breasts. She closes her eyes and relaxes under my touch, letting me cup the soft weight of them. Her breasts are bigger than Hilde's- More amply fleshed, fuller. I fondle them tenderly, slowly, loving the way they seem to fit so perfectly in my hands.

Relena tilts her head back as I massage her breasts, her long hair sweeping down to her lower back, the ends brushing the floor. It shimmers a dark honey-blonde in the faint blue twilight coming through the curtains at the window. Her soft, full lips part in a sensual sigh, and she watches me through dreamy, sex-filled eyes.

I almost expect her to call me Heero.

She doesn't.

"Duo."

I love how she says it- Moaning it, drawing it out slowly.

Almost the way Hilde used to.

Only with Relena, I know she sees /me/, wants /me/.

Maybe this was meant to be.

My cock is rock-hard now, straining almost painfully against the front of my jeans. Relena works on my belt, pulling it loose. She unzips my jeans now, her hands working eagerly, hungrily, and pulls them swiftly off, taking my boxers with them.

I have to grin at the look on her face when she glances down, taking in my arousal, and she blushes sweetly again. I kiss her and push her gently down to lay on the floor.

I'm ready to do this now.

I kiss my way down her body, pushing her dress all the way down as my mouth follows. Her scent is sweet, light- Different from Hilde's. Delicate, feminine, the way Relena is.

I remember the first time I met her, when I tried to "save" her from getting shot by Heero when we were fifteen. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. A princess, no less.

But she had made it very clear that she was only interested in Heero. She never even looked at me. And I have to admit, I was disappointed, until I met Hilde.

Crazy, gorgeous Hilde Schbeiker. An OZ soldier, no less. With attitude for days.

I had no idea I would lose her one day to Heero Yuy. Stoic, mechanical Heero Yuy.

Hilde and I were perfect for each other, so I thought.

But maybe that was the problem. Maybe we were /too/ perfect together, too much alike.

Maybe this really was meant to be.

To cross over.

"Duo!"

Relena cries my name sexily as I lick her femininity, tracing her slit with my tongue, probing her. I raise my eyes to watch her through my long bangs.

Relena is propped up on her elbows, watching me make love to her with my mouth, her beautiful face flushed, her breasts perkily tipped.

She's beautiful.

I could fall in love with her…

But not yet.

I pull away now, lick her moisture off my lips. Crawl back up her body. She smiles, holds up a small foil package she slipped out of her purse, lying next to her.

She isn't ready to fall in love yet, either.

Relena slides the condom onto my cock with slim, practiced fingers, smoothing the shiny black rubber over my engorged length. She begins a slow, gentle jerk as she slides it up, and I close my eyes, moaning in tortured pleasure. God, I want her, want to be inside her.

Relena finishes putting the condom on me and lays back down, pulling me with her.

"Inside me," she whispers against my mouth before claiming it in a kiss.

We take the first step over, moving away from the past.

Sliding into her is like sliding into exquisite softness. Warm, wet.

We lose control now, rocking together in long, slow strokes, fucking deliberately, tenderly. Relena's hands are tangled in my hair, working my braid loose. Mine traverse her body madly, hungrily.

We can do this.

We can love again.

I gaze down at Relena, watch her watching me as we fuck harder, the slow-motion effect of earlier dissolving quickly. We don't take our time anymore- There is just that feeling of wanting to fuck and be fucked.

To leave the past behind.

But even as Relena's rhythm picks up into an excited bucking and she groans my name, over and over, I know that we won't ever truly leave the past behind. I can see, deep in her eyes, that she will always be Heero'' princess. And no one can ever replace my Hilde.

Yet, as our hips and abdomens clash, harder and harder, I know we can still love again, that we are still capable of giving and receiving love from someone else besides Hilde and Heero.

And I know that I want that someone else to be Relena.

We loved them both.

We can understand that love, keep it with us.

We can love each other.

I thrust into her deeply now, taking her harder, faster. She throws her head back, arches her body up into me. She comes almost at once, screaming her release. I match her, crying her name into the hollow of her neck, my cock throbbing against her tight sheath.

We kiss as we come down, slowly, our bodies shuddering against one another.

I wait until Relena is still beneath me before I move to pull out, swinging my long braid back over my shoulder. She pulls me back, though, keeping me inside.

"Don't stop, Duo," she says, her eyes fixed on mine. "Don't ever stop."

She wants me to be her someone else, too.

We can try.

I kiss her tenderly and take her again, even harder than before, rocketing together towards our future. Towards a happy life, like the one we both hope Heero and Hilde have.

Crossing over.

Fin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Notes:

first, i would like to say that i am not a 2xR fan myself, but i have come to understand the couple as an alternate pairing after writing this, especially since it fits in with the situation in my series. however, i wanted to tell everyone that although duo and relena /do/ share intimacy in this fic, he does /not/ love her, and she does /not/ love him.

the idea of "crossing over" has to do with moving on, but keeping the memory of those they loved with them as well- not shutting them completely out of their lives. i wanted duo and relena to try this together because they both loved heero and hilde in different ways, and they both understand that it will take time to truly love somebody else. i suppose what i mean is that for now, the closest thing duo and relena have to heero and hilde is each other, and that is how their intimacy is treated. sort of as a healing process, to show that they are able to give and receive love from others besides those they really loved.

complicated? ^_^ yes, i know! and i probably made absolutely no sense, but i hope that everyone will understand now why i chose to close the series up like this, to end the chapter of duo and relena's hold on heero and hilde this way. they will try to move on, together, without them- it's their way of giving closure. and i tried to write them delicately- i didn't want it to be a proclamation of true love or anything right away... i wanted it to be slow, kind of an understanding between the two of them. i hope i did it right!

anyways, the follow-up series focusing on heero and hilde's life in japan is next, and it will probably have some of duo and relena, maybe show how their lives have changed as well, but it will mostly be simply heero and hilde.

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