Part One--Bed of Lies

*
No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am
*

Hilde closed her eyes. She opened them and closed them and opened them again. It made no difference as she could still not differintiate between having them opened and closed. The room was so dark that she couldn't even see her hand in front of her face. =It's only adjustment= she whispered and waited briefly before her eyes adjusted to the dark. Duo slept next to her, breathing softly as he was lost in dreams and whatever else.

She couldn't take it any more. She loved him but something was fading out and she didn't know how to handle it. Something was happening between them and she couldn't figure it out.

Slowly, she crawled out of bed and walked over to the window where she peered out into the night. The moon hung high but could be seen making its descent to the western hemisphere as it cast an eerie glow about the grounds below her window.

"Babe?"

With a sigh, Hilde turned her head to see Duo prop himself up on his elbow and stare at her. "Somethin wrong?"

*

Don't think that I can take another empty moment
Don't think that I can fake another hollow smile
*

She didn't know what to say. She tried to smile but felt only tears stinging the corners of her eyes. She wouldn't cry in front of him; not yet anyway. All that came as a response was a soft whimper that was supposed to suffice as a negative answer. "Can't sleep," she replied at his questioning appearance.

"Come lay down with me..." Duo spoke softly, patting the bed next to him where she should have already been.

"I think I want some tea..." she whispered and headed out of the room.

Duo watched her leave as he lay back down on the bed. He wouldn't follow her for he knew something was wrong. It had been for a time but he didn't want to push the issue. She would tell him when he was ready. Hilde walked into the kitchen and put the kettle to boil. Throwing a teabag into a cup and adding half a teaspoon of sugar, she waited. In the mean time, she walked over to the keypad and dialed a number, half hoping no one would answer.

"Hello?" Silence. "De, is that you?"

Hilde sighed and picked up the receiver, turning off the screen as she walked to the door.

"Yeah, Lee... it's me. Sorry to wake you," she answered.

"It's no problem... what's going on," Relena asked softly as she wiped the sleep from her eyes.

Hilde burst into soft tears as she sat down on the porch. She didn't know what to do and conveyed her feelings to her long time friend. She was sad, scared, confused, hurt, angry... disheveled and what was worse was that her reasons for being so made absolutely no sense.

"Have you talked to him," Relena asked sincerely.

"I tried... I can't figure this out, Lee... I don't know what to do..."

Relena sighed, wishing she knew what to say to console her friend but even if she could, there was too much for her to say in this short time. It was then that Heero decided to make himself known, causing Hilde to regret calling even more.

"I'll talk to you later, Lee," she whispered and hung up the phone.

*

It's not enough just to be sorry
Don't think that I could take another talk about it
*

"Do you wanna talk about whatever is bothering you?" Hilde jumped at Duo's voice and kindly accepted his offering. He'd poured the water into the cup and handed it to her as he helped her up to sit with him on the porch swing. He wrapped the blanket he'd brought down around them and held her while she sniffled and took small sips of the hot liquid.

"No... not yet," she whispered. "I can't talk about this right now..."

"Hil... if it's bothering you... I mean, if it's something I did or something I can help you work out..."

"No," she whispered and snuggled closer to him. "Just let me have my space... I'll figure it out and... it will be ok..."

Duo stared into her eyes knowing that whatever it was would not just be 'ok'. It was killing her and for that, killing him.

Hilde stared up into his eyes and reached up, touching his face. He wanted her. They hadn't made love in near two weeks and he never pressured her, never begged her or anything. He waited for her to initiate the move but she wouldn't and he would just let it go. The only problem with that was that she wanted him too.

*

Just like me you got needs
And they're only a whisper away
*

"You know I love you," Duo asked softly as he stared at her.

"... Yes..." she whispered hesitantly and allowed him to kiss her.

Duo held her close, not going further than a kiss even though he wanted to take her right there on the swing. He'd missed feeling her naked body under him but he was not going to seduce her in that manner unless she was willing to be seduced.

"Upstairs..." Hilde breathed softly as she kissed him back softly once more.

Duo stared at her for a moment and stood up with her. Wrapping her in the blanket, leaving the cup on the small table, he picked her up and carried her back into their house and up the stairs to their room. She would give in to the temptation of his lips and the call of her need because that was how it always worked.

*

And we softly surrender
To these lives that we've tendered away

*

"I'm not sure we should..." Duo started. He wanted to, having an aching need to but something kept him back even though she kissed his lips and his neck and let her fingernails glide down his chest and wrap around to do the same to his back. "I mean..."

"If you don't want to..." she whispered back. "Then don't."

Stopping all action, all movement, he stared into her eyes as she did to him. The expression was serious, the situation becoming gravely darker than it had been. If he did, it was because she wanted him to, if he didn't it would strike a blow against her since she wanted him to. A no win situation.

"I need to know what's going on, Hilde. My making love to you is not going to heal whatever pain you're in."

"Won't it," she asked softly. "I haven't felt you in near two weeks, Duo. Please make love to me..."

Duo stared quietly at her, not knowing how to respond. Damned if he did, damned if he didn't. "I think you need to figure out what is bothering you first and I'm almost certain that it's not about having sex or making love," he said and rolled off of her. "Come get me when you figure it out," he said and took the blanket as he left the room.

Hilde lay flat, tears rolling as he left and she jumped when she heard the clicking of the door to the guest bedroom.

=Good job, Hilde...=

~~~*~~~

*

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am

*

"So what was that all about?"

Relena sighed and rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. Heero leaned on his elbow as he looked at her, running his finger over the sheet that covered her breast.

"Girl's got issues right now," she replied and looked over at Heero.

He reached up and followed the curve of her jaw to her chin and leaned down to kiss her. Allowing the kiss, she opened her eyes when he pulled away and stared at him. She didn't know what to say or how to respond so she studied him, his features and his intrensic moves.

"How do they involve you," he asked.

"They just do," she replied and thought about Hilde's situation.

//Tears fell from crystal blue eyes forming red rims around the already pale skin.

"Hilde... why can't you just tell him how you feel?"

"Don't ask that of me, Lee, when you are in the same boat!"

Relena sighed. It was true but she was having less of a hard time dealing with it than Hilde was.

"I just don't want to be the one to end it. I keep hoping he'll give up on me... if I don't give in and have sex with him, he'll find someone who Will have it and he'll decide to leave me... or whatever..."

With a sigh, Relena rubbed Hilde's back and let the girl cry.

"If you want it over, just end it," she whispered but it did not help. Hilde only backlashed on her in her own fury even though she didn't mean half the things she said. "It will get easier with time," Relena finished.//

Staring at Heero, she had to think about it. How would she end this relationship had it been her time to do so? But at the same time, she knew that Heero really didn't want to be with her anymore. Not the way they had been. Did she fit into his life anymore, besides the part where she provided a space for his relief? It suddenly dawned on her that for a while, she'd been feeling the same as Hilde only now it was more projected.

*

Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong
Where it's not enough just be sorry
*

"Yes, but How," Heero asked, more adament about having a direct answer.

"I'm her Friend," Relena replied a bit more harshly than she meant.

She rolled onto her side and stared out the window, feeling Heero lay back down beside her. Heero reached over to touch her bare shoulder and sighed.

"I'm sorry," he said and took his hand away, turning away from her.

*

Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in
Tried to be more than me
And I gave till it all went away
*

The reality of what had happened had just sunk in. Darkness and terror were trailing in within her core being and she didn't know what to do. Here she was, in the relationship she thought she wanted to be in and was now finding out that she wanted so far out of it that she wouldn't even know how far to go about it. She gave herself away to him, tried allowing him to be what she thought she needed and it wasn't working that way. It took a phone call in the middle of the night for her to realize this and all she could do was stare out the window, wondering what Hilde had been thinking and now what Heero was thinking.

"I love you," Heero whispered softly but she knew that it was not something he meant.

"Make love to me, Heero," she requested.

*

And we've only surrendered
To the worst part of these winters we've made
*

Heero rolled over and pulled her into his arms. He wasn't going to fill her mark because he felt it was not something he could do. He held her close to him, nestling his face into her hair and let out a heavy breath.

"I'm not sure that making love is the answer you're looking for," he whispered.

Relena turned to face him and stared silently, letting the tears fall from her eyes as she swallowed the words he'd just spoken to her.

"Perhaps you're right," she said and turned to face him, cuddling up into his arms.

Tears fell a bit faster as she lay there, feeling him tighten his hold on her and carressing her back. He knew she was crying and knew why she was crying but chose to say nothing about it.

*

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies

So toss me out and turn in

And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes

I'm marking it down to learning

I am

*

~~~*~~~

Hilde sniffled a bit as she held the pillow closer to her body for added comfort and heat. Duo was not there with her and she didn't know how to approach him. She knew him. He had already made his decision and he would not sleep with her. Not that she blamed him because she could not bring herself to truly _want_ to sleep with him at that.

At that moment, she gave in to her desire and need and moved to get out of bed. She opened the door and stepped out into the hallway only to find him standing there getting ready to come in. Duo grabbed her gently, pinning her to the wall as he let his hands slide down her body and kissed her lips tenderly. He let her feel his heat and his hardness and held her while he rubbed himself on her.

Not daring to break the moment, Hilde placed her hands flat against the wall, trying to hold on for stability until Duo took her hands and brought them up around his neck. Right there he pulled off her panties and lifted her against the wall, holding his hands under her thighs as he penetrated her opening.

=This wasn't supposed to be= was all she could think but her body and her voice betrayed her thoughts, going against them; against her will to not give in. But she needed it. She needed him and he was filling her regardless of what he had said earlier.

*

I am all that I'll ever be

When you - lay your hands

Over me but don't go weak on me now

I know that it's weak

But God help me I need this

*

Hilde was crying now as he made love to her in a rather unloving way. He f**ked her while holding her against the wall but she didn't care. She knew his feelings for her and knew that it wasn't just 'sex' he was having with her. He was feeding his need of after two weeks of celebacy and this was how he did it. But he loved her and, really, wasn't that all that mattered?

~~~*~~~

Relena closed her eyes, wishing that he would change his mind, knowing that he wouldn't. She gave him only a few minutes longer before he would leave her. The tension was too thick and there was not enough stability to keep him there. She knew that for him, the feeling was like trying to walk a tightrope that did not exist. But he didn't. He held her closer and had fallen asleep. She could tell by the way his patterned breathing had shifted. It was something only those close enough to him could have noticed but she had and so she slipped out of his arms and out of the room.

"I'm learning..." she whispered to herself as she made her way down the long hall to the stairs and down to the kitchen where she found her brother already making use of the kettle she was going to use for a hot drink.

Zechs stared at her in her nightgown and watched as she poured the hot liquid into a mug. He never understood how she could drink hot water but she could and she did and he knew why she was down there. With a slight nod, he watched her take a sip from the cup and then she left back up to her room with only one thought in mind.

*

I will not sleep in this bed of lies

So toss me out and turn in

And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes

I'm marking it down to learning

I'm marking it down to learning

'Cause I am

*

*

Just 3 miles, from the rest stop

And she slams on the brakes

*

The car came to a screaching halt on the side of the road. Duo opened his eyes and looked up slowly, searching for whatever had caused her to do that. He stared around at the dying light of the day and then turned to face her.

"What's going on," he asked softly.

*

She said I tried to be but I'm not

And could you please collect your things

Well I don't wanna be cold

I don't wanna be cruel

But I've gotta find more than what's happened with you

So if you'd open up my door

*

"I've tried, Duo... I've tried to be who you wanted me to be and I can't anymore." Tears fell down her cheeks as she stared at the road in front of her, gripping the steering wheel for support.

"Hil..."

"Please get out," she whispered. "I don't mean to be mean and uncool... I just don't know what's going on between us... why we're here... please... get out of my car..."

Duo stared at her a moment, totally confused and baffled at what was happening.

"I don't understand..."

*

She said while you were sleepin'

I was listenin' to the radio and wonderin' what you

were dreamin' when

It came to mind that I didn't care

*

"I was listening to the radio while you were sleeping and I had a thought of what you might have been dreaming about," she paused her thought and turned to him. "I realized that I didn't care anymore and I haven't cared for some time."

Duo stared at her, trying to figure out where this had come from but he couldn't.

*

So I thought hell if it's over

Then I had better end it quick or I could lose my nerve

Are you listenin'? Can you hear me?

Have you forgotten?

*

Without questioning her further, he grabbed his bag from the back seat and reached into the cooler for a sandwhich and a couple of sodas. She did not question him and said nothing further to him. Once he'd shut the door, she waited a few seconds for nothing other than her composure and drove off. It was, after all, just three miles to the rest stop. He could walk there and use the phone.

~~~*~~~

The blinker was on as Relena pulled over to the side of the road and stopped. She tried to regain her composure but for whatever reason, she could not. The pain was too deep within her and the actions already done for her to stop and turn back now. She'd stopped time before and thought to wake him up but he seemed so peaceful and so she didn't. Instead, she began again as if she had only stopped to stretch and decided against it. This time she couldn't go on.

"Please get out," she whispered. "I can't do this anymore... I'm not continuing down this road with you..."

Heero looked up at the road ahead, taking note of the marker for the rest stop three miles ahead. He didn't know what to do or say.

*

Just 3 miles from the rest stop

And my mouth's too dry to reach it

A light was shining from the radio

And I could barely see her face

*

Heero stared at her quietly. She had agreed to this and they were on their way but what had happened to make her stop and say this to him? He stared at her as the green glow from the radio displayed on her face and could make out the tears but nothing more really. He watched her as her eyes seemed to produce the liquid in an over abundance.

"You never really needed me, Heero. You never intended on staying with me or even allowing my assistance in healing your heart. I can't work with you if you work against me and I can't be with you when your heart doesn't want mine. I'm sorry..."

*

But she knew all the words that I never had said

She knew the crumbled up promise of a broken down man

As I opened up my door

*

Heero opened the door, not wanting to upset her further. He didn't bother with grabbing his things for he knew where they would be when he found his way back home. He moved to step out of the car when she called his name softly.

"Heero..."

Heero turned around to look at her.

*

She said while you were sleepin'

I was listenin' to the radio and wonderin' what you

were dreamin' when

It came to mind that I didn't care

*

"I was listening to the radio before, wondering what you were dreaming. It came to mind that it didn't matter because I really didn't care."

With these words, she turned to face Heero, tears falling as the interior light shown on her face, casting shadows around her gentle features.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said and got out of the car.

*

So I thought hell if it's over

Then I had better end it quick or I could lose my nerve

Are you listenin'? Can you hear me?

Have you forgotten?

*

"I'll be back for my things," he said.

Relena nodded as she closed the window and drove off from there. She didn't know what to do or why she was doing what she had done. It didn't matter though. None of it did.

~~~*~~~

*

But I've forgotten, yeah

Have you forgotten?

You just don't love to love like I love

*

Duo walked down the three miles toward the rest stop, getting a ride from someone the last mile and a half. Once out of the person's car, he strolled up to the pay phone and made a call. All he could think about was her. What she had said and what she had done. Had she forgotten his love for her? Had she forgotten his promise to her?

*

She said while you were sleepin'

I was listenin' to the radio and wonderin' what you were dreamin' when

It came to mind that I didn't care

*

//"I was listening to the radio while you were sleeping and I had a thought of what you might have been dreaming about. I realized that I didn't care anymore and I haven't cared for some time."//

How could she say that? He hung up the phone and walked into the small building to use the bathroom. His mind ran wild and his heart collapsed before it hardened and suddenly he was built up as rage personified. If that was what she wanted, he would give it to her.

*

So I thought hell if it's over

Then I had better end it quick or I could lose my nerve

Are you listenin'? Can you hear me?

Have you forgotten?

*

"Then it's over and no one is the wiser for it," he said as he waited for his ride.

~~~*~~~

*

While you were sleepin'

I was listenin' to the radio and wonderin' what you were dreamin' when

It came to mind that I didn't care

*

//"I was listening to the radio before, wondering what you were dreaming. It came to mind that it didn't matter because I really didn't care."//

Heero walked, hands in pocket, the way to the rest stop. Three miles were nothing to him and it gave him time to think. He didn't know what he was thinking about, though. He looked up into the growing night sky and let a heavy breath escape his lungs.

*

Hell if it's over

I had better end it quick or I could lose all my nerve

Are you listenin'? Can you hear me?

*

"F**k you, Relena."

~~~*~~~

Relena turned around, driving back the way she came. Tears burned her eyes but she knew that this was what she had to do. She saw Heero walking and turned away from him, watching in the rearview mirror until he was out of view. Now she understood what Zechs meant when he said he no longer felt the same for Noin. Yes, he needed her in his life but not as much as he thought and not the _way_ he thought he did. He loved her but not for anything more than the strength Lucrezia had provided him and that was what Heero had done for her. "It's been over a long time, Heero. I'm sorry it took so long to end."

~*~

Hilde drove far past the rest stop, never once looking back as she drove the rest of the way towards Phoenix, Arizona. She cried softly and turned up the radio to drown out the sounds of her tears but they were internal so regardless of her attempt, they were still there and still audible.

"I'm sorry, Duo..." she breathed and pressed harder on the gas. "I'm truly sorry."

*

Can you hear me?

*

*

It's amazing

How you make your face just like a wall

How you take your heart and turn it off

How I turn my head and lose it all

*

//"Let's go to Arizona..."

"What's in Arizona?"

"I don't know. Let's just go... take a drive! Get away from here..."

Heero stared at the sparkle in her eye and for a moment wanted to smile. It was something he had been missing a lot as of late and had not been able to turn away from it.

"Will it make you happy," she asked.

"That sparkle in your eyes makes me happy," he replied. "Trowa will be in Phoenix in three days... we could stop by and see him," Heero spoke as he rubbed her face.

"Ok..."//

How had it happened? _When_ had it happened? He recalled her enthusiasm about going and all that they went through for him to get the time off and now what? He was sitting at the rest stop, waiting for Trowa to come pick him up. How was that fair? He recalled her face when she told him, soft tears flowing but she had become like a rock. Had she learned it from him?

//"I was listening to the radio before, wondering what you were dreaming. It came to mind that it didn't matter because I really didn't care."//

It was as though she'd flipped a switch and he watched her go from juvenile excitement to adult severity in the blink of an eye. What had he done to deserve that? Is that what she'd been keeping from him the entire time? He didn't know what to say or do so he didn't. Instead he sat there, thinking about the night she asked him to make love to her and he didn't. He felt her get up and heard her leave; even heard her come back in but he would not change his mind. He sighed.

~~~*~~~

*

It's unnerving

How just one move puts me by myself

There you go just trusting someone else

Now I know I put us both through hell

*

Duo stared at his watch. It had been over an hour and still his ride had not shown up. He picked up the phone and dialed again only to get Trowa's voice mail. They had plans, Hilde and he, to go to Phoenix where they would meet up with Heero and Relena and go together to see Trowa and Catherine but now it would just be himself. Or so he thought.

"Hey... just wondered if you forgot about me... see ya in a while, I guess."

He hung up and sighed, thinking about the girl he'd been with for the last four years. He'd given her everything and now didn't know quite how to hold himself together. He wanted to cry but he wanted to backlash at her; sting her the way she had done him. He would never do that though; not to Hilde... not to himself.

//"I've tried, Duo... I've tried to be who you wanted me to be and I can't anymore."//

He still didn't understand. Who did he want her to be that she couldn't live up to that? All he wanted from her was for her to be herself. Could she not be true to herself? Was she trying to be something that she thought he wanted? It was not an answer that came easily as it brought up more questions than answers.

//"Heero and Relena are going to Arizona. Wanna go?"

"What for? Let's stay here... just you and me, away from the world! I have time off... we can just... chill!"

"Please, Duo! It's been so long since we've gone anywhere... Trowa and Cat will be there... It would be nice to see them all again..."

He couldn't tell her no. The twinkle in her eye and the playful smile as she pouted with puppydog eyes made him the weakest link and he would tell Lady Une to F**K off if she asked him to with those eyes. He couldn't resist it and she knew it so they packed and were on their way from their home in Alamgordo*, New Mexico to Phoenix Arizona.

"Thank you, Duo," Hilde giggled and jumped him with a giant hug.//

"Yeah... that was a Hell of a thank you," he scoffed. "That's f**kin gratitude for ya."

Picking up a small rock, he chucked it across the lot and sighed as he sat down on th curb and waited. He didn't know what to make of any of it. He knew that they had problems but who _didn't_? It was a common thing; an every day part of life that couples went through.

*

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong

I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me

I'm not saying we ever had the right to hold on

I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

*

//"Are you tired of me, Hilde? Because you can tell me..."

"No, Duo! Why would you say that? I'm just... lost right now... I'm confused..."//

*

But if that's how it's gonna leave

Straight out from underneath

Then we'll see who's sorry now

If that's how it's gonna stand, when

You know you've been depending on

The one you're leaving now

The one you're leaving out

*

Duo felt the tears falling from his eyes as he thought about her words and his anger. If she was just going to leave him like that, with no explanation and no slack, he would let her have it. She would get hers and she would see who was sorry in the end.

"Tough break," he heard and looked up, wiping his eyes.

"I don't know what happened," Duo responded, picking up his back pack and standing up.

He walked over toward Trowa and handed his friend the bag as Trowa unlocked the door.

"Good to see you," Trowa extended his arm. "Sorry it's under this circumstance."

Duo shook hands with one of his best friends and then opened the door while Trowa put the pack into the trunk.

"Heero called. I guess... the same thing happened to him. Something about Relena deciding she didn't want to follow him or some sh*t like that."

Duo stared out the window, somehow not surprised to hear that.

~~~*~~~

*

It's aggravating

How you threw me on and you tore me out

How your good intentions turn to doubt

The way you needed time to sort it out

*

Heero sat at a picnic table, leaning on his elbows as he thought about all the time he'd spent with her. She sought him out and tore him apart until he finally gave in to her and this is how it ended? She wanted to be with him, she needed him, she loved him... and yet she wasn't going down this road any longer?

"What the F**K is That supposed to mean," he hissed out loud, wishing she was there so that he could ask her.

// "I can't do this anymore... I'm not continuing down this road with you... You never really needed me, Heero. You never intended on staying with me or even allowing my assistance in healing your heart. I can't work with you if you work against me and I can't be with you when your heart doesn't want mine. I'm sorry..."//

"What the HELL Is that sh*t," he growled at the memory of her words. "I never really needed her... F**k that! Who the HELL does she think she is?"

He could not get passed the words. It all fell into place perfectly but it didn't matter. The pieces were still there, in ashambles as they stared at him.

*

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong

I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me

I'm not saying we ever had the right to hold on

I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

*

//"Tell me what's wrong, Relena. We can get through this if you want to."

"Nothing is Wrong, Heero! And if there Is something 'wrong' it's You asking me what is wrong all the time! Please just let me figure this out on my own! Let me have some space to deal with MY feelings on 'what is wrong'!"//

*

But if that's how it's gonna leave

Straight out from underneath

Then we'll see who's sorry now

If that's how it's gonna stand, when

You know you've been depending on

The one you're leaving now

The one you're leaving out

*

Heero got up and walked over to one of the boulders and climbed on top of it, using the light from the rising moon and setting sun to keep his balance; not that he needed it. He sighed and watched the sun as the remaing bits settled below the dark horizon. His anger would get the best of him if he continued in dwelling on it but he felt he could do nothing else. Her words bewildered him, his thoughts drained him and anger consumed him. If that was the way it was going to be then so be it. She would realize what she had done in making him her enemy. If that was the game she wanted to play, she would play by _his_ rules.

"Heero?"

Heero turned around, fire in his eyes as he stared at the face of the voice. It didn't matter why she had come, only that someone had and he guessed that there were good reasons of why Trowa hadn't come.

"Duo called earlier... Then you called and Trowa didn't want you waiting out here for him to go get Duo and then come back..."

Heero walked up to her and stared at her before thanking her for taking the time.

"It's not a problem... I guess the same thing happened..." Catherine started but quickly shut her mouth as to not dig further into the situation.

~~~*~~~

Duo stared out the window at the night that had now fully approached. A hint of golden orange still lined the horizon but the night sky was full and in view, lined with the millions of stars that once reminded him of Hilde's eyes. He growled inwardly at the constantmemory that continued to play around in his mind and let out a highly audible sigh of irritation. Trowa said nothing, instead he continued in driving, allowing Duo his moment of emotion.

*

Tell me is that how it's going to end

When you know you've been depending on

The one you're leaving now

And the one you're leaving out

The one you're leaving now

*

Catherine stared at the road, concentrating on the mile markers. It would be about another hour or so before they made it back to Phoenix and another half hour to the hotel she and Trowa were staying at. She didn't know what to say or how to comfort the situation so she didn't. Instead, she allowed him the silence he seemed to need and jumped when he pounded his fist on the side of the door. Shivers ran through her body when she realized that he was crying but still she said nothing, pretending not to notice.

Relena picked up her phone. She watched the mile marker pass her and sighed, half expecting the call to be Heero growling and hissing at her. Letting it ring once more for good measure, she finally opened the key and spoke into the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Lee... I did it..." Hilde cried. "I don't know what happened... I just broke down... I left him like an hour away from Phoenix... I just drove..."

Relena stopped the car, pulling over and staring confused at the dashboard as she listened to the girl on the other end.

"What? You just Left him?"

"I... Relena... I didn't know what to do... I just couldn't go on so I asked him to get out... I... God, Lee, what did I do?"

Hilde cried, feeling only the remorse of what she had done in her heart but somehow not wanting to go back and make it right.

"Hilde... I don't know. Truth of the matter... I did the same thing. I'm actually headed back to Long Beach," she spoke softly. "Where are you?"

"I just left Phoenix," Hilde answered.

"I'm just outside of Blythe... I'll wait for you here," she said. "We'll go up to Trina's Grove."

~*~

Hilde knew that she only had about three hours to catch up to Relena, if that at all. It was the pain in her heart that caused more of her reaction than anything else. She couldn't believe that she picked this moment to tell him. She couldn't believe that she had the courage enough to do it.

With a heavy sigh, she counted the miles and watched as the little outlets of towns pass her by. They were a far distance from any mass population out there but it didn't matter. Soon she would be with Relena and she could cry to her heart's content about what she had done.

The time seemed not to matter any longer. She no longer cared what Duo thought of her as Relena's words echoed into her mind.

//"Truth of the matter... I did the same thing."//

She sighed and saw the sign for Blythe. The exit was four miles ahead. Relena would be waiting for her at a stop of sorts and it wouldn't be a hard thing to find her. She felt butterflies in her stomach when she pulled up, though. The site she saw was not something she expected to see.

Stepping out of the car and into the light of the convenience store, she walked over to her friend who immediately wrapped her arms around the weeping girl. Hilde burst into more tears, leaning on Relena's shoulders as she cried at all that had happened within the last week alone.

*

When you feel all alone

And the world has turned its back on you

Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart

*

"Shh... it's ok... there there," Relena whispered as she peered over the girl crying on her shoulder at her accompanied guest. "Everything's all right now," she breathed and held Hilde while she cried.

Moments passed before Hilde finally regained her composure, causing her to stiffen up and wipe the embarassment off her face. Men saw women cry all the time, especially in his line of work and so she had to swallow her self-consciousness and deal with it.

"Want to talk about it, Hilde," Quatre asked softly.

"No... not really," she replied and walked over to shake his hand.

Quatre took her hand and pulled her close, holding her tightly. He knew the extent of the situation and could not pass judgement on either of them for what he had done to Trowa time back. It didn't matter now about that. All that mattered was getting Hilde to stable grounds. He would do that by taking her up to his hide away. Taking _both_ of them up there.

*

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you

It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold

When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

*

"Let's go. I'll drive her car," he stated to Relena and sent Hilde off in the direction with the other girl.

Within seconds, a convoy of cars drove off into the pass where they would stay the night and maybe the entire weekend. Time was not an issue now and as long as he had a say in it, it wouldn't be.

Hilde got into the passenger side and slumped into the seat, closing the door as she nursed her broken heart in her lap. Relena got in and followed Quatre, watching as the limo that had brought Quatre there fell in behind them. She shook her head slightly and reached into the bag beside her.

"Here... drink something, you'll feel better."

Hilde took the offered drink, a Cherry Coke* and opened it as she sniffled and looked out the window into the darkening world.

"I can't believe I did that," she breathed. "It passes, though... right?"

Relena nodded. The rest of the drive was a near silent one except for the few whimpers and sniffles coming from Hilde's core. The most she said was how she couldn't believe Relena did the same thing.

An hour and a half later, Relena woke Hilde in her seat to signify that they were there at the Ranch.

Trina's Grove was a ranch dedicated to the memory of Quatre's mother. Though it was never certain if she'd ever have wanted a ranch of this nature, when Quatre took ownership, he named it in her honor. And that it wasn't known, instead of calling it Katerina's Grove, he called it Trina's Grove but the memory was there.

Hilde sighed and got out of the car to stretch her legs. She watched Relena walk up to the door and then seconds later, Quatre was at her side, helping her to go inside as well.

"I know that you feel pretty broken right now," he said softly. "But just know that we're here for you."

Hilde rubbed the back of her neck and watched as he gestured her inside and he headed off in the opposite direction.

"Come..." Relena whispered as she led Hilde to a room.

*

Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

*

"Here, let me," Relena whispered and sat Hilde down in a chair while she began to rub the girl's neck for her.

Gently squeezing Hilde's shoulders and rubbing her thumbs gently over the muscles near the spine, she breathed softly, inviting Hilde to relax and calm down. Only moments passed until she was finally able to get Hilde to a point where she was willing to explain her situation. It sounded a lot like her story and they both sighed.

*

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash then crash and burn

You're not alone

*

"De... you're not alone here. If you need to let go, then go ahead. I'll help you through this if you want. Quatre will help you... just don't be afraid," she whispered and kissed Hilde's forehead before leaving the room.

Relena walked out of the house, heading for the stables when she ran into an unexpected surprise. She stopped shy of him about four feet and let him read her. Before any words were spoken, Zechs walked up to her and hugged her.

"I knew it was coming, Dear one," he whispered. "I thought I'd come up to see how you were fairing." Relena thought it odd that he'd come for she hadn't called him but it didn't matter. Zechs was always concerned as was Quatre and so she figured Quatre had been the one to place the call.

"She's far worse than I," Relena admitted. "I'm off to see Xio-Ling."

Zechs smiled, shaking his head. An Arabian Thouroughbred named in a Chinese manner. He watched her walk off and headed inside. He found Hilde in the kitchen with servants bustling around her, filling her cup with tea, tending to her tears and all other things that servants did.

"Leave us," he commanded softly and watched as the four women and one young man scattered from the area. Hilde looked up and quickly wiped her face, preparing to salute him of a higher stature.

"No need," Zechs relieved her and sat down beside her. The wooden table was rough and the chairs calloused to the touch but he didn't mind. He'd been in far worse surroundings of hospitality.

"How are you feeling?"

*

When you feel all alone

And a loyal friend is hard to find

You're caught in a one way street

With the monsters in your head

*

Hilde sniffled. How _should_ she feel? She felt alone and shattered and hurt. She felt betrayed, she felt unprotected... she felt remorse and could only imagine how Duo must be feeling about now.

"Like sh*t," she scoffed and threw a tissue onto the table.

"Want to talk about it," he asked softly.

"Everyone keeps asking me that. NO I Don't want to talk about it! F**K!"

Zechs watched her, allowing her this fit of emotion for he knew her well. She'd never come clean until she went through it.

~~~*~~~

"It's hard, isn't it?"

Relena sighed and turned around. "When did she foal?"

Quatre wiped his hands of whatever soiled them and placed the rag onto the beam of the gate. "Last night. Beauty of a colt, don't ya think?"

Relena nodded and sighed heavily. "Did you call my brother?"

"I was worried," Quatre whispered and stared at her, waiting for her to meet his gaze. "So how are you feeling?"

Relena pushed away from the gate and turned away facing the outside of the barn. "Shitty," she replied. "I can't believe it's over."

*

When hopes and dreams are far away and

You feel like you can't face the day

*

Quatre reached out to her, taking her hand in his when she grabbed the offering and pulled her down the way to exit the barn. He didn't want to be in the company of some of the farmhands so he led her down to the feeding grounds that were lit up by several small bon-fires. You know I'm here for you, right? For Both of you." Relena nodded. "If you need something... all you have to do is ask..."

Relena stared at the fire as she leaned up against one of the poles on the outside of the field gate.

Thoughts crossed her mind but she didn't know what to make of them so she didn't.

"I am getting the feeling you are asking more of me than you care to admit," she replied and turned a narrowed gaze at him.

"I'm asking that you be open and honest," he said. "If you feel that all is lost, call me. Let me be here for you."

*

Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

*

Relena stared at him curiously before turning away. She didn't know what she wanted. She didn't know what she needed and for that could not answer him. "I need to feel like I'm not the total bad guy here,"

she stated finally. "Like I didn't push Hilde into doing something she wasn't willing to do on her own."

"Are you saying it's your fault she broke it off with Duo?"

Relena felt the tears sting her eyes as the floodgates were getting ready to bulge beneath the weight of her sadness and anger.

"Talk to me, Relena," Quatre whispered softly.

*

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash then crash and burn

You're not alone

*

Relena let the onslought of tears befall her and rushed into Quatre's arms. He held her there, comforting her, telling her it was all right, that it would all be ok. Whatever had happened, happened for a reason and it would all fall down accordingly.

"It's ok to feel this way, Relena. Don't think that you're less of a person for handling your feelings the way you did."

Relena felt the warmth of his hand rubbing up and down her back and cried further at his words. She did feel like less of a person. Like a coward. She kicked Heero out of the car and ran away as fast as she could so that she wouldn't have to deal with him. That's what she had done.

"I'm such a wuss," she whispered. "I couldn't even handle him the way I thought I'd be able to by now."

~~~*~~~

"I just couldn't stay with him. I tried... I wanted it to work. When we came here from L2 to work in the U.S. Quadrant, I truly wanted to be his partner and to be with him but it wasn't working out..."

Zechs stared at her, watching her warm her hands with a less than tepid liquid. The cup she held no longer held the heat of the liquid inside and so really did nothing for her.

"Come on," he whispered and led her back to the room he knew she would be occupying for the night. "Change into your night dress and go to sleep. Things will look different in the morning."

"It hurts," she whispered as she turned to him.

"I know," Zechs answered back and stared into her eyes for a long moment.

*

Because there has always been heartache and pain

And when it's over you'll breathe again

You'll breathe again

*

"Things will be different in the morning," he whispered again and moved to leave her. He would have made it out the door had she not clung to his hand. Turning around, he studied the grip she had and then looked into her soft sad eyes. =Run away. She's on the rebound= his mind warned but he ignored it, walking toward her. "Hil..."

~~~*~~~

Relena laid down next to Quatre, cuddling into his embrace. He held her close to him and sighed heavily. All he wanted was for this moment to be over for both of his friends. For them to understand that they would have to braven up for the wrath they would have to feel from the two men who were now their ex-boyfriends.

"This too shall pass," he whispered in her ear and stared out the window as she fell asleep in his arms.

*

When you feel all alone

And the world has turned its back on you

Give me a moment please

To tame your wild wild heart

*

Zechs knew that he should not have taken her there. It was harmless and meant only for her comfort but he'd led her to the room and now as a backlash from whatever realization she had, she was asking him to satisfy her rebound with a free throw. He kissed her, holding his hand on the small of her back.

"I don't think this is fair to either of us," he whispered between breaths but it didn't seem like he meant what he was saying.

Stripping the small frame of the material that covered it, he placed her gently on the bed before disrobing himself.

*

Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

*

Several minutes passed. Zechs was under the covers, climbing up her body from where he had just been and was now filling her mouth with her own flavor. He calmed her impatient moves and held her at bay for only a second.

"Let a Real man show you how it's done," he breathed softly as he penetrated her wetness slowly.

Whatever he'd meant by that, she didn't care. She didn't bother defending Duo, she didn't care about the words or the actions. Instead, she obeyed his command, allowing Zechs to fill her and take control of her hormones the way only a man of his nature could. It was not a lustful need that drove him but one of a conquering field. He would show her that the world had not come to an end even if only for the night and would do as he said. Zechs would show her how it was done.

Kissing her lips, he moved slowly inside of her, rocking her at snail pace, giving her pleasure in the midst of her broken pain. He knew it was wrong but she had invited him in and now he would take full advantage of it.

*

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash then crash and burn

You're not alone

*

In his arms, she cried. Hilde took deep gasps of air as he plummeted into her soul and pulled out and so again pushed himself to the very core of her being. She fell apart as he held on to her and cried out in pain and pleasure, calling out her desire as she spoke his name. Zechs filled her as deeply as he could before pulling out of her and releasing onto the sheet. Immediately, he stuck one of his long fingers up into her and began rocking her once again until she screamed out her orgasm and had left her coating on his hand.

"You're not alone, Hilde," he whispered into her ear as he pulled his finger from her body. "Crash and burn, I'll be here to catch you," he breathed and pulled her into a warm embrace.

~~~*~~~

Relena opened her eyes as the sun came up, shining into the room. She snuggled closer to Quatre, rolling over to face him. He was sleeping peacefully but had instinctively pulled her closer when she rolled. She sighed, wondering what he must have gone through when he left Trowa. He hadn't really gone to anyone about it but it didn't matter. He was there for her and when he was ready, she'd be there for him.

"You're not alone," he whispered in his sleep and pulled her ever closer.

"I know," she whispered back and went back to sleep.

*

Down to the earth I fell

With dripping wings,

Heavy things won't fly

And the sky might catch on fire

And burn the axis of the world

*

Catherine pulled into the parking lot of the hotel and stared at Heero for a moment. She reached out, hesitantly at first, and touched his hand, trying to get him to look at her.

"I don't know what happened between you two but just know that for whatever reason, the gods saw it fit to separate you two from each other. You just have to think about the things that happened and it will come to you." She stared at him as he turned slowly to face her. In previous times, she felt intimidated by his glare but this time she only felt hurt for him. "We're in rooms 227 and 228. You're more than welcome..." she trailed and got out of the car.

~*~

Trowa had just placed Duo's things on the bed near the window. He threw down the extra key and walked over to stand next to his friend. Both of them staring out the window, Trowa placed his hand on Duo's shoulder and turned to face him.

"Thank God that it ended This way and not..." he didn't finish his words, knowing he didn't have to. Duo stared at him a moment before turning away, understanding what he meant but adding nothing to it. "Yeah," Duo whispered and heard the door close behind him.

*

That's why

I prefer a sunless sky

To the glittering and stinging in my eye

*

Heero had finally gotten out of the car, taking the hint Catherine had left and went up to the room. He knocked but got no answer and was about to knock on the other door when Duo opened it. He stared at Heero for a moment, not knowing whether to invite him into the room or not. It didn't appear that Heero wanted to be in his company. At that moment, Trowa stepped out of the elevator and noticed the tension going on.

"I guess Cat left after all," Trowa said and opened the door to her room. "You're more than welcome to stay with Duo in my room," he said and stared at both young men.

Heero stared at Duo a moment and turned his attention back to Trowa. It seemed odd to be in this situation. "I'll just go and get my own room," he said. "That was the plan..." he trailed and thanked Trowa as he left. Duo went back into the room, not wanting to feel what he was feeling, not wanting to be where he was without answers to his questions. He didn't know what to do. How could Hilde do that to him? What had he done to deserve that? The window or the outside world could not answer him so he walked over to the bed and sat down. He stretched and laid down. He rolled over and closed his eyes as tears fell. He was alone.

~*~

Trowa knocked but received no answer. He opened the door with his key and walked in. The light in the bathroom was on but nothing else. A dark lump lay on the far bed and so he figured that Duo was sleeping. Quietly, Trowa walked around the other bed and pulled the comforter up from the one side to cover Duo as the room was rather cold. He stared at the sleeping figure in the half light that shown from the bathroom and brushed the chestnut bangs out of the man's face. =You're not alone= he whispered in his mind.

Duo, feeling something soft on his face, grabbed at the object before opening his eyes. He stared at Trowa who stood above him and slowly let go of his hand. "Sorry..." he said. "I was dreaming..."

Trowa nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets and stared down at Duo.

"Want to talk about it?"

Duo sighed heavily and realized that he was cold. The air conditioner was no longer on but the room was frigid, which, he guessed, was why the comforter was now pulled over him.

"Not really..." Duo pouted.

Trowa sat on the other bed and leaned forward a bit as he relaxed. He knew Duo was going to spill at any moment and sure enough, several seconds passed before tears were gushing and questions were flying and anger was present. He listened, waiting for Duo to finish and when he was done, Trowa stood up and stepped over to where Duo sat and sat down beside him. He wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulder and pulled him near and let Duo have his cry.

"I'm such a wuss," Duo hissed at himself but Trowa did not answer. "Ya know, if she wanted to break it off with me, she could have done it back in New Mexico," he seethed.

"Maybe she didn't know how," Trowa answered. "And this was all she could think to do."

Duo fell backward, stretching out his back as he stared at the ceiling, wondering why this happened. "I'm here if you need me," Trowa whispered and placed his hand on Duo's knee.

Duo felt a slight flutter at Trowa's hand and a sudden fear at his words. But maybe it meant nothing. Maybe the thought that floated into his mind was nothing more than that and he closed his eyes.

"Thanks," he whispered and felt a slight jolt within him when Trowa removed his hand. "Just remember... you're not alone."

*

Feel so light

This is all I wanna feel tonight

Feel so light

Tonight and the rest of my life

*

~~~*~~~

Heero sat down on his bed. He'd been down in the hotel bar nursing a beer when he finally decided to go up to his newly designated room. The alcohol had done nothing for him and so he left the bottle and a tip and fled to the safety of the cold room he now sat in. Turning on the light, he sighed when someone knocked. It could only be one of three people, he figured so he wasn't surprised to find that it was Catherine.

"Trowa said you wanted you're own room..." she said. "I just thought maybe you could use some company for dinner..."

Heero stared at her a moment. Dinner hadn't even crossed his mind to begin with but being that it was now a quarter to eleven, he didn't think that dinner could still be served.

"I was going to invite you and Duo out with Trowa and I but neither of them wanted to come and I found your room by the staff..."

Heero studied her curiously and invited her into his room. He knew what she was after but could not bring himself to set her straight. This wasn't about being seduced to forget his problems, as much as he would like to 'forget his problems'.

"I'm not really hungry," he said, going into the bathroom to change his shirt.

Catherine walked to the window and stared down into the foryer below. She didn't know what to say to him. Truth was that she wasn't really hungry either but she didn't feel that he should be left alone. What if he wanted someone to talk to and Trowa or Duo were too tired?

"Well... I just thought I'd offer..." she started and stopped her sentence abruptly. She had turned around to find him standing almost right behind her. "I mean... if you wanted to talk or anything."

Heero stepped passed her and walked to the window.

"Nice view," he said and turned to face her.

"Yeah..."

*

Gleaming in the dark sea

I'm as light as air

Floating there breathlessly

When the dream dissolves I open up my eyes *

Catherine stared out the window, not wanting to look at him. She knew why she'd come up. Wanting to be his rebound was beyond her reasoning but it was a comfort she was willing to give.

She took a deep breath and turned to walk away from him, prepared to just leave him to wallow in his sorrows for the time being but he did not allow that. Heero reached out, grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her back to him. He stared at her, not letting go of her wrist, eyeing her with intent and curiousity.

"Why did you come here," he asked harshly with a taste of anger in his tone.

Catherine stared at him, tears forming in her eyes though they did not fall. Dare she answer him and suffer rejection? She didn't have to. Heero let her go and turned back to face the outside of the window.

"How much do you want it, Catherine? So much that you'd be willing to be a rebound? A one night stand?"

"If need be," she whispered. "I have more self respect than that, Heero. I don't offer 'myself' as a rebound to Anyone."

"Then why me," he asked, finally turning around.

Catherine stood at the door, hand on the knob as she turned to him. "Why now?"

"Because you look like you need to feel like a man," she said and opened the door.

Heero watched her walk out and sighed.

*

I realize that

Everything is a shoreless sea

Weightlessness is passing over me

*

Taking a deep breath, forgetting his anger, he walked to the door and opened it, calling out her name as he watched her walk down the hall. Catherine stopped at his voice and turned around.

"I just need a friend," he spoke softer and stood there, watching her walk back toward him.

Ever since he'd known her, she had always worn less than business attire; always in cut off shorts and halter tops or in rather revealing sun dresses. If her attitude did not present her as such, her choice of clothing did. But she was not a slut by any means of the word, merely confident with her appearance.

Heero stepped aside, letting her into his room and before they knew it, into his bed. He knew it was wrong as well as she did but it seemed not to matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Not his anger at Relena, not that he was using his best friend's sister for oral and sexual satisfaction and not the fact that he would still find measures to deal with Relena when he returned to Long Beach.

Catherine watched Heero, taking note of his reactions as she sucked him hard. She tasted every inch of him, knowing what he must be thinking of her but it seemed not to bother her. She knew what she was doing and knew that if it bothered him that much, he wouldn't have allowed it. Softly, she stroked him with her hand while taking him fully into her mouth and pushing him back out again and deeper into her mouth and back out. It was a repetition that Heero could no longer handle and now pushed her back onto the bed and crawled up to meet her. He tasted himself on her lips and reached down to touch the essence of her flow before adjusting himself that he might enter into the soft warmth that awaited him. She was pure bliss and at that moment, he wanted to feel nothing else.

*

Feel so light

This is all I wanna feel tonight

Feel so light

Tonight and the rest of my life

*

~~~*~~~

Trowa woke to the sound of soft tears. He wasn't sure when he'd fallen asleep but he had and for that, Duo felt comfortable enough to let out his tears once more. That or the guy was crying in his sleep. Getting out of his bed, he stepped over to Duo's and placed his hand on the young man's back, gently shaking him. Duo rolled over, sniffling and looking up into the dark at his friend. It was almost dejavu except that the room was not so cold and he actually remembered getting under the covers.

"Are you going to be ok," Trowa asked tenderly as he sat down beside his friend.

"God, Trowa... I don't know..." he whispered.

Trowa reached down and touched Duo's shoulder and then his face. Unsure how Duo would respond, he ran his finger over the soft lips.

"I'm not... Trowa... I'm not gay," Duo whispered and pushed Trowa's finger away.

It was not a convincing statement as his body reacted otherwise.

"You don't have to be to feel comfort," Trowa whispered. "But I won't go any further if you..."

Duo thought about his words as he spoke them and shivered at the thought that entered his mind. He'd always wanted to experiment but for some reason had always thought it would be Heero and not Trowa who robbed him of his bisexual curiosity and virginity.

Trowa rubbed his finger down Duo's chest, having had much experience in this sort of thing but truly not wanting to violate Duo's trust or friendship.

"Do you want me to stop," Trowa whispered as he reached the elastic of Duo's shorts.

"No..." Duo barely breathed and swallowed hard when he felt Trowa's hand graze over the soft material, gently touching his already aching arousal. The arousal that had betrayed his first intention and thought.

Trowa ran his finger back up Duo's chest, ignoring the hardness that called to him but it would only be for a time. He leaned down, pulling Duo up to him and stared at him for a brief moment as he moved in closer to kiss him. Hesitant, still unaware of how Duo would react, he moved slowly and finally closed the gap, placing his lips on Duo's. Gently at first, just letting the other man get a feel for this new sensation and then a bit deeper when Duo relented his rigidness and allowed Trowa further access.

*

Everthing is waves and stars

The universe is resting in my arms

*

Duo closed his eyes, feeling the butterflies come alive in massive swarms within his belly and a tightening like a vice grip in his groin. He knew what he was doing and even though it didn't seem right that he was about to go further with one of his best friends, he didn't stop it. He parted his lips to Trowa's exploring tongue and opened his legs a bit wider for the man's wondering hand.

Trowa took quick short breaths, not wanting to rob Duo of any of the sensations he was about to muster. He kissed him gently, tasting him and slowly removing the offending object that was his boxers.

Duo whimpered a bit when he felt flesh on flesh, wanting to shove Trowa's hand away but wanting to feel further what he could do that Hilde could not. What Hilde could not. From the moment he woke he had not thought of her until just this moment. Was he still angry with her? No doubt. She would get hers when he got back to Alamagordo but for right now he was in this moment with Trowa and no one else.

Trowa moved tenderly, blowing cool air onto Duo's erection before taking it fully into his mouth. Within seconds he had Duo writhing, arching and daring to bang into Trowa's mouth but he held his hips down gently while he tasted him and played at his tightened opening. It was a scary feeling for Duo as he knew what was going to happen. Would it hurt as much as it did a female during her first time? He was in too much passion to care but felt the beginning sensations when a moistened finger slid gently into his body. He knew that Trowa was skilled and would do his best not to hurt him _too_ much but still, the fear of what was to come still hovered above him.

Duo lay flat as Trowa relented his move and pulled away from him, pulling completely out of him and allowing the cold air to brush over his body. He listened as Trowa dug into a bag and then waited. Trowa came back and sat down on the edge of the bed, placing his retrieved items onto the night stand. He turend to face Duo, touching his face softly and then allowed him the opportunity to stop things as they were.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Duo? It's a whole new line..."

Duo grabbed Trowa's hand and dragged it down to his erection, allowing his friend to grab a hold of it.

Trowa stroked instinctively but decided on another angle and put Duo's hand on his own erection. He would watch and Duo would invite him in if he truly wanted it.

"Show me," he whispered.

Duo closed his eyes and slowly began stroking himself. He'd done it plenty of times in the last two weeks from not being able to have Hilde so it wasn't like he didn't know how to do it just right. He just hadn't had anyone watch him before.

"Open your eyes," Trowa asked softly and Duo did. "Show me..."

Duo began rubbing himself a little harder and a tiny bit faster, wanting it; wanting it from Trowa.

Trowa rubbed his aching member gently as he watched, wanting to be a part of it but not wanting to push where Duo wasn't ready. In watching him, Duo decided he didn't want to jerk himself off, he wanted to suck Trowa off instead and so he stopped and rolled onto his side before crawling over to rest his face in Trowa's lap. He took Trowa's length into his mouth and heard Trowa seethe with desire as he hissed out his emotion.

*

I feel so alive

This is all I wanna feel tonight

I feel so light

Tonight and the rest of my life

*

Inaudible sounds escaped from Trowa's mouth as he pushed Duo down again and again, gently yet firmly. He wanted to be inside him and could no longer hold it. Just as he was about to make Duo stop, Duo beat him to the punch, sitting up and kissing Trowa full on the mouth.

"Fuck me, Trowa. 'Comfort' me," he growled as he pumped Trowa for added effect.

Trowa pushed Duo down, spreading his legs. Grabbing the first of his retrieval, he opened the packet and pulled a condom over his hardened feature and played at Duo's door. He grabbed a small bottle, squeezing an ample amount of liquid into his hand before rubbing it all over the condom and then against Duo's body. He slid a finger in easily and moved back and forth and then slid in another finger just to fit him. He knew it would hurt because he remembered his first time but Duo seemed prepared enough to handle it.

"Are you ready," he asked softly as he stared into amethyst eyes.

Duo blinked and nodded, waiting impatiently and then squeezed his eyes shut, shouting out his pain before it slowly became pleasure. His breathing slowed from panting out of breath to controlled form to accomodate himself to the fact that he was just stretched far more than he thought he ever could be.

"Oh Goood..." Duo moaned as he felt Trowa begin to move. =THIS is what Hilde couldnt' give me= he thought softly and fell into rhythm with the other former pilot.

It was not long after that that he was begging for release of his own and had found that he rather enjoyed exploring his curiosities. By morning he would be a completely different man but it didn't matter. At this moment, nothing mattered. He'd deal with Hilde when the time came. Then; not now.

*

I feel so alive

This is all I wanna feel tonight

I feel so light

Tonight and the rest of my life

*

Morning came. Heero woke up and stared at Catherine. He watched her breathing, paid close attention to how her chest rose and fell. He sighed as he placed his hand on her stomach and shook her gently.

Catherine woke with a smile and then opened her eyes. She stared at him, knowing that this was when she was supposed to get up and leave and it phased her not.

"When you're done, come down. We'll go to breakfast," she said.

"You ARE my breakfast," Heero growled and tackeled her, not letting her leave.

Catherine giggled as he began in again in sucking on her nipples and playing at her opening. Whether or not he was done threatening Relena, she didn't care. She knew he would face that when it was time but time was not now.

*

Tonight and the rest of my... life...

*

(three weeks later)

Relena had made it back to Long Beach after about a week of hibernating at Quatre's place with Hilde under said young man's hospitality. Zechs had handled things for her in her absence and had done a wonderful job of it, for she came back to work with minimal stacks of paper work and less to do than when she'd left to begin with.

Heero had made it back the following Monday after their little episode and had immediately been sent out on a mission with Noin and Wufei and so she had little contact with him in the two weeks that she'd been back. It didn't bother her much because she really did not know what she would do if she _had_ to face him. It would be hard enough when he came to gather his belongings from her place which she thought really strange that he hadn't done already. Was he hoping for a second chance?

=Pshaw! Not Likely= she whispered to herself. It was odd of his character but it didn't phase her too much. She had handled things far more difficult than that and his would be not unexpected. He would not fight with her, would not yell at her... he probably would not even speak to her and so it would not really matter that it was over.

So she would loved to have thought.

Sitting at her desk, staring at a spread sheet that had come across her database, she sighed heavily as she continued working on the figures and lines. At the moment she thought she had a handle on the subject, a knock came on her door to which she granted entrance without looking up to see who had come in. She didn't need to. The cologne filled her senses and brought back an enormous onslought of memories.

"Do you have a moment," he asked softly.

Eyes widening, Relena turned quickly to face him and began to stand when he motioned that she remain seated. Already she could tell that something was strangely different about him or the situation because he was one to never speak in such a manner. "Of course," she replied just as softly.

All decked out in his complete uniform, Heero closed the door behind him, cover* in hand as he walked to the chair in front of her desk and sat down. Clearing his throat, he stared at the finish of the desk before looking up to meet her curious gaze.

"There is a position open at Sector Four on L3," he started and watched as her eyes began to focus in on his face. He could tell that she was fighting for words to say or tears that were trying to fall. One or the other didn't matter. He had told himself that she would play by _his_ rules and so she was going to listen before he gave her time to respond. "I'm being promoted and sent out," he added. "I leave in two hours."

Relena stared at him, wanting to say something; anything at all, but could only feel the lump in her throat and the tears daring to sting the corners of her eyes. He wasn't yelling at her, he wasn't arguing with her about why their relationship was through... he wasn't even cursing her.

"I thought about what you said... time back and I realized that I wasn't giving you what you needed. You had every right to end it... even the way you did."

=ExCUSE Me?=

Relena could not believe her ears. She could hardly contain herself, having to bite her tongue not to jump in and cause an arguement _just_ for arguement's sake. "I just thought that I would come and tell you," he whispered.

*

If I should stay,

I would only be in your way.

*

"I don't want to be in your way any more than I already have been and by being here... _Here_, I know that I am."

"So you're leaving," Relena asked quietly.

Heero nodded, not missing the acerbity of her tone.

*

So I'll go, but I know

I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.

*

"Relena, don't think that this was an easy choice for me to make," he responded. "Believe it or not, I've actually learned a lot from you. I've learned how to handle myself in a more dignified manner than the way I carried myself in the days of Oz. I've learned to take stumbling blocks and make them stepping stones. This just happens to be one of those steps that I have to take." Watching her eyes fill with tears, he cringed inside. He never liked watching tears come out of her eyes for the fact that most of the time it was because of him. "I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Heero, I..."

Relena couldn't even finish her thoughts as the tears began to fall from her eyes. A sudden flash of guilt and regret fell into her mind at what she had done three weeks ago and now she was being faced with this. He was leaving her.

Heero stood up, placing his cover onto the desk and walked around to pull her out of her chair. Accepting his tug, Relena stood up and fell into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around her in a warm and gentle hug.

*

And I will always love you.

I will always love you.

You, my darling you. Hmm.

*

"Please don't do this, Nina... It's what you wanted," he whispered. "I realize now that you are a person and not a thing and I had no right to hold you down for my own benefit. I love you and I will always love you," he said as he looked into her eyes.

"Don't go because of me," she whispered back, still crying as sobs had come over her body quicker than she'd allowed.

"I'm not," he answered squarely. "I'm going because I have to."

"I love you, Heero," she whispered softly.

"I know, Relena. I know. Unfortunately it wasn't enough."

With a quick squeeze and a small kiss to her cheek, he stepped away from her and grabbed his hat from her desk.

"I _do_ love you," he said.

Whispering softly his good-bye, he turned right face and left her office all together.

~~~*~~~

*

Bittersweet memories

that is all I'm taking with me.

*

Duo packed his suitcase as he stared at all that he would be leaving behind. Hilde sat in the front room with their commanding officer from base and an escort from Long Beach stood by the doorway as he waited for Duo to finish what he was doing.

So many things had happened in this room from fights to making love, from the telling of good news to the telling of greater news to the unfortunate of bad news. He had read to her in this room, holding her while he played out one of her favorite fantasy novels for her. She babied him in this room, bringing him breakfast in bed from time to time. They made their baby in this room and sadly had also lost it in this room. He hated her in this room, despised her, loved her... _needed_ her. This room was a part of the house that had been made into a home because he loved her and she loved him. Now it was a vast collection of things he had no idea of where to put.

"Colonel Po said that the flight would be leaving out of Coronado* at eighteen hundred hours," the young man spoke.

Duo finished the last of his duties and closed all the closets and drawers and finally his suitcase.

"How much time do we have to leave here," he asked.

"Have to be at the terminal by fourteen hundered, Sir," was the reply.

"Give me a few minutes, will you?"

"Sure thing, Lieutenant." Duo smiled dryly.

"Not yet," he answered and felt the smile leave his face as he stared passed the young man at the woman standing just behind him.

Seconds later, Hilde walked into the room and stared at the half empty dresser. Now shy of his personal belongings, she tried stiffening herself to the shudder of tears that seemed ready to fall. "So you're really leaving," she asked. "Just like that?"

Duo stared at her in awe. It had been three weeks since this ordeal had come about, two weeks later he finds out that 'out of a rebound' she slept with Zechs, which was a little more than he cared to know, and now she stood there, pinning this on him.

"You knew it was coming," he whispered. "Funny thing is... you were supposed to be going _with_ me."

Hilde stared at him. It was true. He had been up for promotion for a while now and that it had finally been put through, he was headed to fill one of three position that had opened up at the Preventer Base on L3. He'd be going there with Heero as well. She sighed, understanding his backlash at her. She deserved it.

"I'm really sorry, Duo," she whispered and looked away from him.

Even though he was still hurt, he knew that he could not continue this facade of being harsh to her. It hurt too much to see pain that he caused. Walking over to her, he put the bag down and the suitcase next to it and pulled her to him. Not being able to hold on, Hilde felt the tears begin to fall.

"Hil..." he whispered and held her close to him, feeling her shiver beneath his touch.

*

So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.

We both know I'm not what you, you need.

*

"Please don't," he whispered into her hair. "You deserve so much better than what I can give. I thought that we would grow up and old together but maybe it wasn't what you wanted. Maybe I wasn't what you needed and now this sudden realization of truth is what we needed to see that."

Hilde cried, denying his words. Whatever had happened was a mistake and she needed him. She loved him and didn't know what to do before. She was confused and now she wasn't. She was begging him to stay knowing full well that he couldn't.

"We both knew this was coming, Hilde," he said softly as he forced her to look at him. Wiping her tears as they fell, he focused in on her eyes and leaned over to kiss her. "

*

And I will always love you.

I will always love you.

*

"I love you," he said. "I've always loved you and I always Will love you. We just weren't meant to be in this time line."

Pulling away from her at the knock on the door, he grabbed his bag and suitcase and handed them to the young man. Duo took one last look at the room and then at her and sighed. He was dying inside at her tears but knew that he could not be with her now or if ever again for a very long time.

"Duo..." Hilde whimpered softly in hopes that he would change his mind and not go but he didn't.

*

I hope life treats you kind

And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.

*

"I hope you get all you've ever dreamed of, Hilde. I hope life treats you a lot better than I did and gives you what you want. What you deserve. Good-bye, Hilde."

He blew a kiss at her and turned to walk out of the room. Seconds later he was saluting his commanding officer and out the door behind his escort to the base where he'd be taking off to Coronado Island, California. In four and a half hours he'd be leaving there to L3. With a sigh, he turned to face the second floor window where she stood and gave a slight wave but she did not wave back. Instead, she wiped the tears from her eyes and ran away from the window.

~~~*~~~

Relena sat down at her desk and continued to cry as she processed all that had happened in just the few minutes that he was in her office. Pushing the sheets of paper out of her way, she laid her head down, grabbing a few tissues and wiping her tears.

=Why...= she whispered in her mind and echoed the question through her tears.

//"Tell me what's wrong, Relena. We can get through this if you want to."

"Nothing is Wrong, Heero! And if there Is something 'wrong' it's You asking me what is wrong all the time! Please just let me figure this out on my own! Let me have some space to deal with MY feelings on 'what is wrong'!"

"There's more to it than that, Lena. You're holding back something deep down inside and it's going to come up and hit you when you least expect it. Is that what you want?"

"No..."

"Then let's work it out. Please..."//

That had been almost two months ago and she couldn't bring it out. Maybe they would have separated then and she would have realized that she needed him and that he was what she wanted and they'd be together now. But she didn't want to talk about it. He had practically begged her, as much as his ego was willing to allow, and she pushed him away from her.

//"I can't..."//

More tears pushed through the gates and bigger sobs began to control her body. She suddenly did not want to be there in her office or in that building but she didn't want to go home either. What would she do with his things?

"Ma'am," a voice called along with knocking on the door. "Minister..."

Relena wiped her eyes, blew her nose and turned to face her secretary. She waited for the woman to come in with whatever she held in her hand and sighed.

"Ma'am, Sergeant Major Yuy asked that I leave this for you and suggested that I send you home. I've taken liberty of calling Major General Une and she has given clearance if you'd like to leave."

Relena took the envelope with her name on it and shook her head.

"Just leave me for a moment," she said and turned away as she stared at his writing. Heero had the most beautiful writing she'd ever seen and had never expected it from someone of his nature.

Opening it, sniffling as she did so, she read the letters and felt more guilt and more tears wash over her.

*

And I wish to you, joy and happiness.

But above all this, I'm wishing you love.

*

"Relena, I never know how to say things like this in person, much less writing it down but I figured this would be easier somehow. I just want you to know that I wish for you the things that I obviously could not give you. Joy and happiness throughout life... and for nothing more than absolute Love. I'm wishing you Love, because you deserve to be loved as a person and not a possession. May it all be yours. -- Sgt. Mj. Yuy"

Relena burst into further tears. It was not her intent to cause him to feel that he didn't love her enough or to make him think that she thought he considered her something he owned. Obviously it was what she projected and now she felt that no matter how much guilt washed over her, it would never be enough. She had his heart in her hand and she broke it. She broke it so much that she broke her own.

And he had said he loved her. Just as she had said to him, he loved her.

*

And I will always love you.

I will always love you.

I will always love you.

I, I will always love you.

*

From two separate locations to a single destination, two men stared out the window of their seats. The clouds grew thick and the rain in their hearts began pouring but it had to be done and the positions needed to be filled and they had been chosen.

Duo stared at an image of a laughing Hilde in his mind and shook his head, laughing a bit at her and then wiped the tears that fell from his eyes.

"You knew what was coming," he whispered and closed his eyes.

~*~

Heero looked down at a photograph he planned to release himself of in a timely manner. It was one of Relena holding a white bear with a white background. It was one of the better pictures she'd ever taken and he kept it for himself as a 'stepping stone' from where he'd been to where he'd gone.

"This was what was coming from day one, wasn't it," he asked the picture softly, wishing somehow that it could answer him. Naturally it didn't and at present it no longer mattered. He had loved her and would continue to love her but from a distance and only until the heart learned to let go.

*

You, darling, I love you.

Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you

*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

songs:
"Bed of Lies" belongs to Matchbox 20
"Rest Stop" belongs to Matchbox 20
"Leave" belongs to Matchbox 20
"Crash and Burn" belongs to Savage Garden
"Tonight and the Rest of My Life" belongs to Nina Gordon
"I Will Always Love You" belongs to Whitney Houston and Dolly Parton