- Hanging By a Moment, by Lifehouse

~~~

The kid definitely had a problem.

Sigfreud sighed as he looked at the stormy-eyed man who worked on a hopeless gadget with expert hands, sitting at his table in studious silence as he continued to revive dead machines for them. Odin. The lad whom he had first met almost a week ago, appearing at their doorstep dead in the middle of the bloody night, looking for an insignificant beret.

“Here, this is done,” Odin announced briskly, setting down Tina’s short-circuited cell phone and activating it once more. Damn good, Sig amended as he stared, half-stupefied, at the reworked object. Good as new! His friend was gonna scream a happy racket when she got there. Sig then watched as Odin took another object, this time a battered remote controller, from the assorted pile of devices. That was the seventh in a queue of thirteen.

Without another word, Odin began working, and Sig shook his head. No, he relented-Odin having a problem? That was a doggone understatement.

Och, you ken how they are, Sig acquiesced. When Odin appeared yesterday afternoon, he had been more than surprised. The man’s terse explanation was that he simply needed to be elsewhere at the moment. It was quite a scene, where the other guys he lived with felt worried about the brooding, hesitant lad who had just stepped into the house. But Sig understood Odin’s kind. He knew what living like a soldier meant. And spittin’ mules, he didn’t need affirmation-he knew a soldier when he saw one. After all, being an arms smuggler in the war didn’t teach him nothing. Luckily, the lad spotted a mismatched piece of machinery that he had volunteered to repair without pay. And Sig, noting how detached the kid was, immediately gathered all the things that needed repairing, anything, just to help Odin get his mind off whatever the source of his bitterness was.

Sig rolled his eyes. Pretty soon, the rest of the gang noticed, and all their ‘irrepairables’ were sent to him. Great balls of spit, the youngun could do anything. Even their TV set, which took costly monthly trips to the store technicians each month, was repaired fully. And the socked-up computer that made Sig turn indefinitely against the concept of storing information in machines was set up to make him change his mind. Heck, he wouldn’t be surprised if the kid knew how to cook.

But there was something different about Odin. Something startling in his eyes. Sig was familiar with his type, the wandering ones, like highlanders on foot. The kid had seen things that were beyond unimaginable, events that were more than even a man like Sig could bear. That much, he knew, from the feverish determination Odin used to block his emotions. The kid wasn’t doing better, he was merely running away.

What the heck happened, anyway?

“Here laddie, want some?” Sig pushed a mug of beer in his direction.

Odin paused from his work, giving passing glances at the mug and the early morning sunlight that came from the windows. Sig shrugged and took the beer back, but Odin took hold of it quickly and lifted it-too quickly for Sig to retaliate. He could only snort as the kid glanced at the drink and raised a brow.

“ ‘Ey, don’t give me that, kiddie. Great balls of fire, I’m not a damn alcoholic. Tina and the others already give me enough of those sermons.” Sig raised a hand, “Well, och, so maybe I am alcoholic, in some healthy way. I help me self to a daily dose of beer every morning. But just enough to go ‘round me blood. It’s good for the body, you know, beer. You ripen to an old age wi’it. ‘Sides, I wouldn’t be able to raise my kid if I was like that, ye know!”

Odin smirked, then took a large gulp from the mug. After downing the beverage, he glanced back at Sig. Indifferent eyes. Damn that pain, Odin was unable to face, much less understand what he felt. “This is good. Thank you.”

Sig grinned cheekily, “You won’t have more?”

Odin shook his head, a thoughtful expression on his face. A small smile made its way to his lips, one that surprised Sig himself. “Someone I know wouldn’t approve.”

Sig shook his mug and rolled his eyes. “Och, let me guess, a woman.”

Odin froze at that. But he covered his movements by reaching out for the object he was working on. He sighed, eyes darkening slightly. “Yes. She talks like you, too.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Shouts out the word ‘Auch’ and other German words whenever she gets the chance.” There was a wry, affectionate quality to Odin’s voice. Okay, so he really had it hard for the girl.

“I’m a Scot. Aye, you can never hide where you really came from. It comes out eventually from yer lips.” Sig took another swig and stared as Odin’s eyes narrowed, seemingly because of a distant recollection.

“Care to share?”

Odin’s disturbed blue eyes snapped back to him. “About what?”

“’Bout why yer stuck here in bloody misery while it’s very obvious you’d very much prefer to be with her now.” Sig lowered his drink. “Believe me, it’s much better to be in the company of someone who cares rather than having wires and bolts as yer ‘companions’.”

Odin glared at him. “You don’t know anything.”

Sig shrugged, “I never do, but I can always tell. Care to try me?”

Odin stared at him, and Sig watched him as he speculated on his integrity. He still couldn’t get over the disturbing depth in the man’s eyes. Finally, after a few seconds, Odin simply looked away and let out, “She doesn’t care.”

“She does. About you, I mean.”

Odin gave him a quick look, and Sig noticed how his eyes were uncharacteristically wide. Silence reigned for a few moments. “How do you know about that?”

Sig snorted, “Like I said, laddie, I never do, but I can always tell. ‘Sides, if she didn’t care, ye wouldn’t be here right now and still returning to her every evening. You don’t seem like the type of person who sticks around where he’s not needed. And ye wouldn’t be coming around at the unholy hour of two-thirty am to get that red beret for someone who doesn’t matter. You wouldn’t do something that stupid for someone who didn’t care.”

“Stupid.” Odin’s eyes narrowed at the word.

Sig immediately raised his palms, “Hey, I’m not implying anything. But Odin, seeing how things look now, the lass has to be incredibly daft if she doesn’t try enough to get what she wanted.”

Odin didn’t reply and merely gazed off in the distance. Suddenly, he conceded and turned to Sig. “Stupid? She doesn’t even care.” He spoke as if he was swearing. “Of all people, why her-“ As if realizing the start of another tirade, he released a deep breath and opened his fist.

Sig started to rise, “Hey, I already told ye, kid-“

“She made me believe.”

Sig froze at Odin’s words, could only stare as the man lowered his face to gaze at his hands. “But, she, she herself, didn’t believe.”

And suddenly, Sig understood the look on Odin’s eyes.

~~~

+++

She wanted to scream.

But Hilde Schbeiker bit her lip as Number 1 circled her. She kept her gaze on what was once the barrack’s grey walls. Her eyes narrowed in feeble observance as she noticed the greenish colour that was slowly dominating the structure. Moss. It took moisture for moss to live, and the walls were rarely wet-

Blood, dummkopf, blood keeps the damn wall moist.

She resisted the urge to close her eyes to that thought. No vulnerability. Show the least of weaknesses, especially when the First was around. He was terribly thorough, taking so much time with her, Hilde thought as he turned to her once more and gave her a chilling stare. Why couldn’t the man just proceed with the next soldier? She wanted this done and over with. Hilde noticed her clenched fists, now terribly pale.

His breath hissed at her ear. “Frightened, aren’t we?”

“Verdammter Mist!” she hissed.

“What was that, 26?” Impossibly perfect ice blue eyes slit to claim her vision as his hand grabbed her chin to face him.

“Nothing, Fuhrer,” she choked out. Don’t touch me. She tilted her head, allowing her bangs to barrier her eyes. You don’t own me. You can’t break me. I hate you. Set me free. I am not your fool.

Suddenly, he held her chin in a tighter grip, causing her to wince. He dragged her face nearer to his shockingly beautiful one. The devil deceives. Hilde knew that if he tried, he could shatter her jaw without an effort, but she kept her breath and gave him a blank look.

And as suddenly as he roughly pulled her nearer to him, his hand turned gentle, moving to a slow caress on her cheek. “What was that, child?”

The bloodstained blue beret she held in her hand fell.

A threat.

Hilde didn’t speak, but her eyes narrowed in complaisance. Finally, she whispered, “It was a request, Fuhrer.”

His hand faltered in his sudden disgusting exploration of her hair. “A request?”

She gave him a steely look, “Ja, Fuhrer. For you to take your hand off me.”

His eyes widened.

And suddenly, there was bursting pain on her cheek, and Hilde only realized what happened when her vision cleared and she found herself sprawled on he floor. She touched her hand to her lip, blood.

Blood. -Keeps the moss alive.

Keeps me here, keeps me weak. Her eyes widened.

She swallowed hard. Beschädigt.

.

“Is that what you wanted, Heidi?” His voice snarled. “Come now, tell me, Liebe. As always, you have forced me to hurt you. Is that what you want?” The other ‘students’ backed off as he grabbed the lapels of her fatigue, towering over her. Mein Gott, Hilde absently thought in a moment of hesitant prayer, she was going to die.

He took her chin in one hand and squeezed, hard. “You are nothing, Liebe. Nothing. Nothing but an unwanted bastard, nothing but her spawn. And I can kill you, I can destroy you. You are not even worthy of my hands.”

Hilde tried to stop the pained tears that were clouding her vision. This was what her life was. This was how she was truly meant to suffer.

For all of her life?

Nothing. Not worth it.

“Now, tell me child, what do you want?”

She could have screamed. Could have told him about how tired she was. Could have told him what she really wanted. Could have revealed what she felt and demanded her freedom.

And Hilde smiled. Through blind vision, she turned to him and surrendered, with trembling lips to keep her words coherent. “You, Fuhrer. Your kindness, nothing else.”

He smiled that pleased, mocking grin of his. “Good girl.” He wiped the blood from her lips and stood up, moving to the next person. Nova. The blonde turned to Hilde and hissed a triumphant expletive. Suffer, she seemed to curse her.

And Hilde’s eyes remained blank, her lips in a lifeless smile.

+++

What he was saying was impossible. It was an insult.

Hilde stumbled away from him, forgetting the desire to revel in the excruciating pain that claimed her shoulder. Damn it, she wanted to hurt herself for not being enough. “You want me to leave this place, Instructor?” She yelled at the person who had been almost a father to her. Even him, she could no longer allow to get nearer.

But the First, he would never touch her again. She would rather die than allow him to do to her what he had done to the other girl. Never.

Instructor took a step closer to her, his green eyes narrowed in concentration. His face was pale as he slowly spoke. “Schatz, where’s the knife?”

“Damn the knife, Instructor!” She tore out, and then she noticed how his face had contorted into an angry expression. Hilde followed his line of vision and realized that he was looking at her shirt, now stained with a sickening wet red. She cursed.

Suddenly, the knife was gone from her grasp. Her face flared when she saw the item thrown away from the room by the Instructor. “Hilde, Bitte, stop this-“

“What did you do that for!” She yelled at him, tears now falling from her eyes. “That was my only escape. And don’t tell me I should leave this place. What do you want to do? Save me?” A tortured moan escaped her lips. “I can no longer be saved. I am not worth saving. I am nothing-don’t you see?”

She wanted to die, damn it. And he wasn’t going to stop her. And she didn’t need to see his eyes, now filled with burning pain. As if he understood, as if he didn’t want her gone. As if she was actually worth something. As if there was hope.

There was a suspicious glossiness in his eyes. “You are so much more than that, Schatz. Why can’t you see that?”

She didn’t want to see that spark. He couldn’t be crying for her. She didn’t want to be fooled into believing once more.

And if it was, in the smallest way, real, she didn’t want to destroy it.

So when he took a step nearer to Hilde, she screamed. Lifted bloody hands to ward him off. “I can’t-I won’t make it, Instructor, please don’t make me hope”

But he didn’t listen, merely grabbed her hands despite the blood, and held it nearer to him. Hilde, suddenly too tired of struggling, now watched in numb observation as her blood caught in his platinum locks. Before she knew it, she was already held in his embrace.

“I don’t need to make you hope. Schatz, we both need to make you believe.”

+++

Hilde caught her breath.

“What?”

Duo shook his head at her, as if knowing all along that she was hedging. He pulled her nearer, despite the fact that he was also very wet. “I said, Babe, if there’s anything I need to know, you can tell me.”

Suddenly, the magic of the rain that had sent both of them laughing as they chased each other in the park was gone. Even the tree that now sheltered them lost its protection, and Hilde suddenly felt cold. Her best friend’s chin touched her head, and the normal euphoria of delighted thoughts about the man she hated to love was replaced by fear.

Should I tell him?

Hilde slowly pulled away and looked at him in the eye. And he gave all of himself, his violet orbs revealing his concern, his sudden willingness to help her, to understand. And she almost felt lost. Filled. The moment of contact left her so defenceless that it was only when their lips were inches part when she was reminded of reality.

“Duo?” she asked hesitantly.

And suddenly, he, too, was alert. A faint blush covered his cheeks. He moved away from her, placing a hand behind his head in that charming manner of his. “Er, sorry.”

Best Friends.

“You jerk,” she muttered without heat, smiling at him as she looked away.

“So, Babe, tell me.”

She froze at those words. Then remembered the look in his eyes. Could she tell him all that she had been through? Could he bear knowing her past, and how hard it was to get her here? Could Duo accept, much less, understand all that she was?

Hilde released her breath. She could not afford that risk. It was hard enough for her to fully accept who she was, what more for him? She didn’t want him to hate her, to look at her with the same disgust she had been faced with before, to be vastly disappointed in who she was. Hilde didn’t want to experience that same feeling of degradation, of the refusal of acceptance. She didn’t want him to see her as a fool.

She could not afford that.

And with that, she moved away from Duo, who had his eyes closed in anticipation. The action jolted him, “Hey-“

“I can’t Duo, I’m sorry.” Now was her only escape. Hilde stood up and ran back to the rain, not looking back.

+++

~~~

Hilde looked up from the fireplace as Heero entered the living room. The book she had long forgotten due to a memory-filled sleep now fell from her fingers. It was eleven-thirty in the evening already, and she had spent the entire evening-no, the entire day, waiting for him to return.

Heero saw her, acknowledging her presence as she lifted sleepy lids to face his eyes with hers. There were no words from his lips, no expression in his eyes, and no warmth in him, even as he silently nodded to affirm her thoughts about him being home. He turned to walk back towards the foyer.

“Wait.”

Her voice. Almost a plea.

He turned his face to look at her, but didn’t move from his position. There was a frustrated look in her eyes as she silently begged him to stay. He didn’t move.

Hilde sighed, lifting the volume in her hands, allowing her fingers to dance over the edges of the paper as she quoted softly. “Things do not change. People do.”

Heero didn’t answer. Merely turned his eyes to focus more on her, moving nearer from the doorway to comprehend her words. Finally, a shake of the head, “What?”

She looked away. “Have you changed, Heero? From who you were then, as a soldier?”

A pained look filled his eyes. Connection. A sudden urge to share. He shook his head. “No.”

Her eyes were disbelieving “Yes, you have.”

He didn’t want to affirm her words. Deep within him, he was still unsure if he wanted to believe. Maybe he just wanted to hurt her. Maybe it was the truth. “I have, but it takes too long. I haven’t changed much… It’s too difficult.”

She stared into the fire. “You have, Heero, and you’re very lucky.”

“You say so.” His voice was mocking.

Hilde looked at him. Her eyes pleaded with him. To understand. “I…” She released a deep breath. “People might say I have changed. I am-so different from who I used to be. So different that it seems frightening. Too good to be true. But Heero, sometimes I wonder… and maybe even realize, that despite my being so changed from who I was then, that maybe deep down, I haven’t changed at all.”

The cold look on Heero’s face slowly disintegrated as his confusion mounted.

Hilde shook her head. “And I am so scared that, deep within, I’ve been pretending all along. That I am still that same girl who didn’t believe in life, who thought that death was the only solution to her problems. That same desperate, bitter, and frightened person who stepped off the port in L2 so many years ago. The one who believed she was nothing, and trusted nobody to care.”

She held his gaze. “I knew I was trying to fool myself then, Heero. Into believing that I could live on my own, that others could care, that I was fine. And maybe, things did turn out well enough, but still, I had never been able face my problems then. I had left them all behind, unresolved.

“You have changed Heero. You have changed your whole self, even in the smallest degree. Unlike me, who had changed, yes, but never changed what needed to be changed the most.” Her eyes glistened. “Because here, within me,” she touched her chest, “I still am nothing. Not worth anything. Only good for my skills, for being a puppet. And I still cannot believe. It is too hard.” Hilde shook her head. “Please understand.”

It was the only explanation she could offer him for her behaviour. For the argument they had two days ago.

Even before she had the chance to face him again, his hand had reached out to grip her wrist. Suddenly, Heero was before her. “I don’t believe.”

Hilde faltered. “I-“

“Because if you are damned nothing, then why do you make me feel this way?”

And when her eyes met his, she realized that his face was hovering over hers. Saw how his eyes shone with a mixture of anger and passion. Felt that his lips were merely a whisper away from her.

“Heero, I…” She wanted to turn her eyes away from his.

“What?” He hissed out in a pained whisper.

Her lips almost touched his.

“Please…”

He groaned.

She tore her face from his at the awakening sound. “Stop.”

Her voice froze him.

Slowly, he let go of her wrist. Hilde could only take deep breaths as Heero then stood up and stepped away from her. She tried to tell him-how she felt. But goodness, the way he made her feel, how he could very easily make her lose control…

And fall all over again.

It hurt too much.

But her thoughts were cut off once more as Heero stepped through the doorway. Hilde paled when she realized that she had accomplished nothing with her revelation. She had merely complicated things more between them.

“Tell me, Hilde,” Heero began, “how can you speak about acceptance when you cannot even accept yourself?” His voice was hard. “And how can you believe in others things, yare, even love, when you cannot trust yourself to do so? When you don’t even believe in yourself?”

Hilde didn’t know how to answer.

Heero turned to glare at her. “You have changed, Hilde Schbeiker. You just don’t trust yourself enough to believe it.”

And with that, he left her, his silhouette disappearing in the darkened hallway.

~~~

“You have beau-be-ahh…, you have handsome eyes. Doncha ken that?”

Sig watched as his little Reese framed her ‘Fwend’ Odin’s face with her chubby hands, expecting a reply to her whispered proclamation. He could only watch as a small, rare grin lifted on Odin’s lips while he shrugged. “Maybe. You have pretty eyes.”

Och, the boy really did have a soft spot for his daughter, and the thought caused Sig to smirk. Odin had rarely talked today, only seriously stepping away from his work whenever Reese came to share one of her greatest extra special stories with him. Most of them were vastly altered hand-me-down tales from Tina anyway, aside from the occasional observations-one of which was being given now.

“Daddy says so.” Reese confided, cupping her hands around her mouth to that effect. Odin’s smile grew with affection. Reese really did have that strange effect on him. Sig wondered if every small girl did. Odin then nodded and turned to mouth back, “That’s right. They look like…”

“Chocolate?” Sig’s angel asked eagerly, nodding vigorously, causing her hair to bob up and down with her.

“Like… chocolate-chip cookies.” Odin acquiesced. There was a stroke of delight that almost covered the sudden darkness in his eyes as Reese squealed happily. “Yummy!”

Almost.

Sig sighed at that. Maybe his lady liked making them for him. Who knows? And when in the world had he started making baseless assumptions? Rolling his eyes, he simply shook his head and returned to inspecting Odin’s work. “You won’t be eating any cookies ‘afore dinner, Sweetpea. You have yer meal at the table, come and eat it.”

Reese pouted as she crossed her arms, losing her secure hold on Odin’s lap. “Weese wants coo-kie!”

“Hunny, Daddy says ye can have yer cookie later, after dinner. If ye can’t do that, yer cookies will go bye bye.” Sig sighed as Reese closed her eyes indignantly. He really was spoiling her too much. And the other occupants of the house didn’t help either. He turned his eyes to Odin in one last desperate attempt. “Right, Odin?”

Odin simply nodded. Reese, seeing that it would please Mistew Odin if she ate soon, kissed his cheek, jumped off his lap and dashed towards the dining room.

“Huh,” Sig muttered, caught between being impressed and insulted.

“Beautiful kid,” Odin passed to him before settling back down on the couch.

“I know.” Sig answered proudly.

Odin smirked. “That’s English.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Sig asked defensively, if not a bit amusedly. He could only snort as Odin shook his head wryly and turned away, keeping his gaze on the window once more. Sig knew that it would only be moments before the lad fell into one of his reflective moods once more. “Hey kid.”

Odin’s eyes returned to him. Still the dark look in them. “What?”

“How’s things going? What happened to ye last night?”

His eyes narrowed. “Nothing.”

“Ah, so it’s gone worse.” Sig guessed, affirming his suspicions all along. After all, Odin only repaired some twenty-three stuff this day, other objects coming from their similarly less than rich neighbours. He seemed more detached than usual, more focused on his work.

“Mind your own business, Sigfreud.” Odin’s eyes held true to that warning.

Sig sighed. “Look, I think I might have an idea about what yer going through right now.”

There couldn’t be more emphasis on Odin’s word. “What?”

He then released a deep breath and dropped the bombshell. “I saw the news today.”

A sharply drawn breath. “What did you find?”

“I know who you are, Heero Yuy.”

~~~

“What have ye got to say?”

No words at first. “Nothing. I don’t have to explain to you.”

“You’re right.”

Heero looked surprised by the answer.

“I understand what it’s like to be one of you. One of us. Always having to live in the shadows, always wanted. It was we who did them service during the damn war, and now that we’ve retired, they still cinna’ let us go.”

Heero couldn’t reply. Could only stare at Sig as he went on. “And I sure as heck ken that you’re no killer. I wouldna’ let a killer in my house. The man I saw days ago wasn’t one. You’re a reformed kid, Odin-Heero Yuy. Though they might be lookin’ for ye, I’d understand if ye dinna’ want to be found. Don’t worry. I know how it feels.”

After staring incredulously at Sig for a few moments, Heero finally spoke. “What were you?” His voice was filled with hesitant but strong interest.

“Aye, the best smuggler there ever was. High security, low profile. I served both sides once, but turned a new leaf in the end. You can get me to take ye and yer stuff anywhere unnoticed. I still got me contacts in all the important ports. You?”

Heero’s eyes narrowed. “Assassin. Demolitions Expert. Undercover Agent.” Finally, he let out in a low voice. “Gundam Pilot.”

“Great balls of firin’ spit.” Sig let out with awe.

And it was the beginning of a lasting bond.

~~~

The streets were dark as Heero walked his way home. Certainly not as dark as before, when he had trekked back almost at midnight. He inclined his face as another of Sig’s truth came to him, regardless of time, of wherever he had come from, he would always go home to that house. To that old, weathered looking house which had provided more adequate shelter and warmth for him than any other residence he’d ever been in.

Even though he was upset, even though as he had predicted, he was hurting inside, even though he actually craved for a person and despised her in the next second. It still was home.

His breath came in cloudy puffs as the night grew deeper. November winds were like this back on Earth, not on the colonies-strange how moments could conspire to make him feel even more confused. Sighing, he ran his fingers through the pointed fence that surrounded Nicky’s house. He was getting nearer.

That was when he saw the structure of their house. Heero could now only stop as he darkly gazed at it from the distance. What was she doing in there now?

Strange, he recollected in his mind, thinking useless thoughts. But still, it could not prevent the images that passed his mind; Hilde cooking, or singing off tune, or reading in the living room. Then there was a sense of bitterness, for the images never seemed complete. He was supposed to be there with her, complaining about why she enforced the act of cooking on him, making veiled comments on her voice, and actually reading with her, having her lean her head on his shoulder as she recited the lines to him. Things were supposed to be that way, and goodness, he missed it.

Heero cursed underneath his breath. He’d never wanted anything like those before. Couldn’t even imagine himself looking for everything they had shared or appreciating affection, laughter, teasing, and intimacy. But Hilde had ruined it all for him, and now it seemed unfair, how he undeniably sought those things back. It was addictive.

Of course, things were very different now.

He knew that she would probably be somewhere in the house, looking as tired and as frustrated as he had seen her the night before. Heero would see the pleading look in her eyes, the hesitancy in her face, and would hear the worry in her voice. Would observe how she would protectively wrap her arms around herself whenever they came across each other in the same room, and then damn himself for it. Would feel her pain.

Things were so damned complicated.

He didn’t even know what was right anymore.

Heero noticed the darkened foyer immediately even before he reached the porch. He frowned at that, Hilde usually turned the lights on at the smallest hint of darkness. It was unusual to see the area unlit.

Unless she had forgotten the duty, probably because she had other things to do. But she never missed even the trivial things in her work. Hilde was incredibly thorough. Heero shrugged as he dug in his coat pocket for the key, maybe she was asleep. Highly unlikely, since he had gone home earlier than usual. It was just six o’clock in the evening. Heero took the key and inserted it in the lock.

Unless she was not inside.

His eyes narrowed as he suddenly jolted the lock. The door opened at his frantic fingers, creaking to reveal a darkened house. Heero didn’t bother to remove his coat as he stepped inside, slammed the door and turned on the lights. “Hilde.”

No response.

Heero clenched his fists and told himself not to rise himself into needless worry. But as he stalked upwards and found each room empty, trepidation had made its way into him, planting a cold, angry seed within. “Hilde!” Damn it, his voice trembled with fear.

Heero turned to the living room. If she had left him, he didn’t know what he would do now. He would follow her to all the ends of the world, even if it killed him. He would drag her back here if he had to. She couldn’t have gone now. He might have not been treating her that well for the past few days, but that was beside the damned point. That was what she had wanted, hadn’t she?

Heero scanned the dining room. Empty still. He felt his clammy fingers and stared at them once more, now half desperate. He could not let her go, damn it all. She made him like this, made him weak against her and vulnerable without her. He-

… I might as well be found lying dead in a ditch elsewhere tomorrow…

“Hilde!”

“What?”

~~~

A Virgo and a Leo, both advancing towards her. One had a thermal sword drawn, and was menacingly fast in its approach. The latter, a slower one, had drawn out a cannon, and was aiming at her. Hilde held her breath; these were the last two from the seventy something she had to combat with since late noon. This was it.

She activated her thermal sword and stopped the Virgo’s offence with it. Parrying it off with the sword, she noted the blast that the Leo had released from some thirty degrees to her left. Thrusting the controls, she executed a cut on one of the Virgo’s arms and dodged, lifting an arm to wreck the other arm. For want of the comforts of face to face combat… And with that, she pushed against the machine, effectively throwing it in the line of fire. Activating her twin cannons, she targeted the Leo…

And a burst of light was seen as the Leo exploded.

Releasing her breath, Hilde closed her eyes as the program ended. Very Satisfactory. She could do more, could reach Superior level if she tried, but for now, given her state of mind, that was enough. Lifting the simulator from her head, she opened her eyes and hopped down from the sample cockpit.

Hilde shook her head in an attempt to remove her hair’s surely rumpled appearance. She then wiped the sweat off her brow. How long had she been down here? Hilde glanced at the mirror first-her appearance answered volumes to that. She looked tired, a signal that she had been working for more long hours. She started at one-thirty-it was now six.

“Groß.” Just great; overworked again. She needed a shower. Donning the grey tank top that hanging from the chair, Hilde headed towards the exit. But her plight was stopped when she saw the fencing sword by the balance beams. Raising her brow, she walked towards it and reached for it, holding it comfortably in her palm.

She was finally getting better at the dang thing-thanks to Heero. But her progress had stopped. She executed the same moves she had performed at the practice program earlier. Maybe she should train more.

After all, even if she did go up, Heero wouldn’t be there. The same way he hadn’t been for three days straight already. When she had awakened to his disappearance the first morning, she had worried herself sick over where he’d gone. After their argument, the man had just stormed off; and seeing him not present the next morning made her panic. Hilde gripped the sword in a sudden swirl of emotions; she had been shaky the whole day, wondering if he had finally up and left. Then there had been the doubts. Many doubts, regrets, seizing her day and night. She had been crippled; as if she had lost the one thing she solely depended on to live.

Hilde didn’t even know how to feel whenever she recalled her condition days ago. She was pathetic, mooning over everything, walking in a half-living state, moving from crying to being furious with herself, to wondering about how she could live then. She had been that desperate. But it was simply what she needed then, and it was nothing but the truth. She had waited all night long for him, paying no heed to anything whatsoever, even herself, even the delay in her mission. And when she had been roused from her fitful sleep on the dining room table as Heero trudged into the living room at 1 am, time seemed to stop. Of course, he had merely glanced at her and, without a word, walked back to his room. His indifference was frightening. It now meant something to her-it clearly gave a picture of the extreme anger he kept within. Showing them to her was not worth it.

She remembered standing there in the dining room, wide-eyed, staring at the place he had vacated, hearing the disturbing slam of his bedroom door. Broken.

Hilde dropped the sword and sighed. After that, reason thankfully returned to her. She knew she had to do something; to at least know something helpful in order to feel a semblance of control. All day, she thought and rethought about what had happened, feeling miserable, frustrated, and still frighteningly hopeful at the same time.

She had done what was right, hadn’t she? She had done what was best by ending things between her and Heero.

And yet why did she feel as if she had just ruined everything?

Hilde placed a hand to her temple. Heero should know that she did the right thing, but she had seen her mistake. Hearing Heero say how disappointed he was because it turned out that she lacked faith in him, no, herself as well-that had been the striking blow. And realizing that she did have a weakness, knowing that such a weakness prevented anything in her life from being genuinely true, or achievable, was hard to accept.

She had never truly valued herself. And to think that she had spoken to Heero about learning to accept himself. It seemed ironic, how her own weakness negated all that she had ever valued, all that she had tried to share. Hilde had her values and knew how important they were-she wouldn’t be proclaiming them to Heero if she didn’t. She had learned that much, and her new life encouraged more emphasis on acceptance. And on some level, she did accept herself, did live out their importance. But never fully, never truly.

Because deep within, there was that part of her that she had tried to bury and forget. A part that she had never really settled with. A part that she had never been able to fix. And yet, she could never forget, could never deny its presence.

It was that part of her that had supported her through the darkest times in her life. It was the part of her that had been bitter, merciless, untrusting and hurt. It was the part that hated herself, even to the point of considering death. The one that had seen and experienced such suffering.

The one that thoroughly believed that she, Hilde Schbeiker was truly nothing.

And what was frightening was that still, in the deepest corners of her soul, she still somehow believed that truth. Of course, denying it had been hard, but effective. But seeing how she had reacted to her situation with Heero, hearing how he saw that weakness in her, was something she could never push aside. It was the truth, she had never believed in herself, kept back by the memories of her most desolate times at the Base.

And that was why she had never achieved her dreams, and could not truly love, or be worthy of love.

How could she love, when she couldn’t even find herself worth loving, after all of these years? Loving gave her purpose, but not direction. She had could not attain that, unless she completely loved. And she couldn’t do that unless she loved herself.

And she did not know how to.

And she did not know how to face that. How to explain to Heero. She had tried last night, but had accomplished nothing. Heero didn’t even believe in her anymore. She didn’t know if he should.

Hilde no longer knew what to do.

She placed a hand to her temple, she wasn’t even sure about what she was thinking. She could blame that on the fact that she had done so much of frustrated thinking for the past days and was tired of it. Tired of doubting what she was doing and not knowing what to do next.

“Halt.” Yes, she affirmed to herself-stop from worrying too much, keeping her life immobile. She had to move on, to try to get her act together-and from there, maybe she could finally know what to do.

Which was why she had been training alone here in the basement. If Heero could not help her now (she knew that for a fact), she could at least start.

Hilde started to stare off, but when her eyes fell on the towel… “Shower,” she reminded herself. “And food.”

Forget Heero for the moment. Even though all she could think of was being with him. Even though still all she could wonder about was how things could be if she had just let go and reached for him. Even if all she could do was worry about him, about how he was and where he was going, even though he was hurting her as well.

Hilde frowned. Uh huh, there it was again. Melodramatic. Urkomisch.

She then went up the ladder and headed back home through the kitchen door. Strange, the lights were on… she couldn’t recall turning them on. Unless someone was in the house; unless Heero decided to finally come back-

“Hilde!”

Hilde saw Heero as she entered the kitchen, and she didn’t need any words to understand that he was furious. “What?”

Heero whirled around and faced her. Hilde could only strain her eyes at his image. He looked terribly upset-mad at her. But there was awe, relief, in the way his frame seemed to lose its stiffness. What the heck was going on? And why was he-

“Hilde.” He spat out. Her eyes narrowed as he tried to level himself. “Where were you?”

Steady. Controlled. Angry.

She shook her head at him disbelievingly. “Where have you been?”

Without waiting for a reply, she turned her back to him and prepared a glass of water. There it was, waiting-another argument. He was acting like she had done something wrong when he was the one who had made the vanishing act on her for the past three days. And he had the nerve to look at her as if she had just offended him. Being caught between being happy to see him and being upset at how things were didn’t put her in a very good position. Disposition. And she didn’t want to have to deal with any of this any longer.

“So that’s how things are now?” his voice was sardonic. Oh joy, was the burning behind her eyes actually her tears again?

Hilde turned back to him, eyes as slicing as his was. “What do you think, Heero? Why don’t you tell me?”

He glared at her and slammed his hand on the table, “Oh, and wasn’t this what you wanted?”

So, he was playing a different game this time. Was he enjoying doing this to her? “I don’t know, maybe it was what you wanted.”

Hilde didn’t even stick around to see his expression. She didn’t know if she would be able to bear it if she had been correct. She turned to walk away from the room. But, as if he had known her intent, Heero prevented her from doing so by suddenly grabbing her arm. “Don’t tell me what I want, Hilde.”

“And what do you want me to tell you, huh?” Hilde threw at him as she faced him. “That I’ve been miserable, acting like a stupid half-person, waiting and worrying the whole day for you? That I cried for you? That I worried myself sick and wondered a thousand times about what’s going on? Fine!” Suddenly, she choked, unable to hold it in any longer. “Let go of me.”

Heero’s intense silence prepared her for his dark words as he placed a hand on her cheek to face her to him. “Hearing that, you wouldn’t even want to know what I’ve been through.”

And suddenly, the tears just fell. And all she could feel was his arms suddenly wrapping around her, him holding her closer as she fell to him, as if he, himself, felt the same way. And at that very moment, all that mattered was the feeling of touching him again, of seeing his eyes on her and experiencing his warmth once more. Hilde buried her head into his neck and tried to savour the feel of him. It felt so good to have him back, even for a short while. Finally, there was silence.

Heero took a deep breath. “I walked into the house and saw you gone… I thought you had left.”

It was the only way he could explain what was happening. She knew that much.

Hilde shook her head at his shoulder. “When I woke up and found out that you weren’t home, I thought that you finally left me.”

“Never.”

She held him tighter, feeling the determination in his voice. “Me, too.”

Heero nodded. “I was at Sigfreud’s.”

The guy who found her beret. “I was training.”

His hold on her promptly tensed. “What?”

Before Hilde could answer, he had pulled away from her and was looking disbelievingly at her. “Without me.”

Hilde noticed the trend of the conversation. She began hesitantly. “You weren’t there.”

His eyes narrowed at that. “So you decided to do this all yourself. You don’t need me anymore.”

Hilde’s stared at him, unable to believe what she was hearing. “No! Goodness, I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.” She waved her hand downward and placed the other on her temple. “Look, Heero… how do you think do I feel? You can’t stand to even stay in the same room with me these days, and I understand that-“

“Shimatta, is that what you feel?” Heero flared at her, grabbing her arms once more. “You think that I… that I can’t stand-“

“Well you look it!” Hilde broke away from him. “And I know it’s been my fault-“

“Can’t you understand that I needed time?” Heero seemed more upset than ever.

“Wasn’t that what I’m giving you now? Time?” Hilde stressed. “I know why you don’t show up always, okay? I accept that it’s my fault. That’s why I decided to work on my own-“ She shook her head and tried to clear her mind. “Stop.”

Heero scowled. “What?”

Hilde sighed and placed her arms around herself in a protective act that she never knew Heero hated so much. “Stop, please. This is all too fast. I can’t believe we’re fighting again.” She turned pleading eyes to him. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Do you think I want to?” Heero asked quietly as he closed his eyes to relieve his anger.

Hilde merely looked at him. Then slowly, she looked away and whispered inaudibly, “I’m so tired…”

Heero’s eyes shot open at that. And without another word, he faced Hilde to him. Hearing her voice… “Then what do you want?”

Hilde started at his words, spoken so firmly, but still undeniably worried. Frightened. She shook her head and grabbed both of Heero’s hands, nodding at the way they tightened around hers in a semblance of despair. “I don’t want to lose you, Heero.”

Heero closed his eyes once more at her words. He took a deep breath and lowered his head. In relief? In further trepidation? Hilde went on. “I want to be with you. I don’t want to argue with you all the time. I don’t want to see you looking, feeling this way. I want us both to be… happy. And I,” she took a deep breath. “I know that there are things that are very present now. Things that, I accept, can prevent those from happening, like our situation, or other people involved, and more importantly, the problems within me that I have to deal with.” Hilde shook her head, preparing her words, hoping… “But even with all these, can’t we even try to-get along? Can’t we try to stay friends?”

“Friends?” Heero raised his head, the tone of his voice betraying his disbelief.

Hilde felt a pang of pain within her. “Isn’t there even the slightest chance…”

“No.” Heero removed his hands from hers and turned away from her, walking to a stop only when there was a safe distance between the two of them.

“Why?” Hilde murmured in a soft, desperate whisper.

And Heero heard. He always did.

He faced her, his face solemnly set. “I can’t do that, Hilde.”

Hilde shook her head, “But-I don’t understand. You’re not even going to try?”

“Don’t you see?” Heero went back to her, placing his hands on her shoulders once more in a gentle grip. “I can’t go back to how things were before. Every time you’re near, every time I’m this close to you…”

They were staring intently at each other, “What?” Hilde asked, though the way he looked at her seemed to reveal the answer already. She suddenly shivered as something familiarly strong surrounded them both once more.

Heero’s eyes had taken on an intense shade. His voice was huskier when he spoke once more. “All I can think about is…” He groaned, holding her chin to expose the side of her face to him in a final grab for control. “Damn it, this is all your fault.” He whispered to her ear, and Hilde’s arms wrapped around his waist in a jolted motion as he landed an urgent kiss to the side of her jaw.

And suddenly, his lips were on hers, and they were kissing with all the passion and frantic need for each other that they had painfully held back for the past three days. Hands entwined in a motion that locked them to each other, both unwilling to let go. Hilde ran her hands through his hair, over his face, willing to familiarize herself with the wonderful feel of him once more, secretly delighting as he whispered her name over and over again and clutched at her locks. Words were lost once more as their lips joined once more. Reunited. And it felt so right… so true…

And Heero felt the sudden cool droplets on his skin. He lifted his lids to the sight of Hilde’s tear-filled eyes. “Hilde…”

She placed a shaky hand to his face. “Goodness, I missed you so much…”

Heero held her to him and closed his eyes, acknowledging that he felt so similarly. “Don’t tell me you don’t feel this too.”

He felt it as she shook her head against his neck. “That’s the hardest thing, Heero.” She choked.

Heero allowed her to look up to him. At the sign of her tears, he held his fingers to her cheek. “Hilde, Koishi, please don’t…”

Hilde lowered her head and held a palm over his hands. “I’m so, so sorry, Heero…”

“For what?” He went on. “Why can’t things just go on this way? Why do we have to go on suffering?”

“You know we can’t Heero.” Hilde shook her head. “You know.”

Heero looked away. Hilde went on. “And it’s so hard, because I can’t…”

“Can’t what?” Heero turned back to her. “Tell me.”

She lifted her eyes to him. “I can’t even let you go.” She looked up and released a sharp breath. “I told myself to forget… but can I even become more selfish? No matter what I try to do, I still want to keep you with me. And it ends up hurting us both even more.” She shook her head at him. “Look at me, look at what I’ve done! Why can’t I just stop falling? I’ve caused enough damage-“

“Why can’t you see yourself the way I do?” Heero interrupted her, eyes narrowing angrily. For her. “It’s not you, Hilde. It’s us. What happened, happened because we both wanted it to. You can’t hide that truth by putting the blame on yourself. See things my way, Hilde.”

“I-I don’t know.” Hilde slowly pulled away from him. She placed a hand to her forehead and gave him a pained look. “It’s too hard. I still can’t.”

Heero’s eyes narrowed as he let go of her. “So you wouldn’t even try. You’re going to give up on us just like that.”

He knew she realized that he was turning her words back on her when her eyes widened at his voice.

And Hilde didn’t say a word. Heero understood. “I see.”

How were things going to work between them if they would both always be this way? Heero didn’t know. He didn’t even know if he wanted to try.

“I can’t try to be your friend once more, Hilde.” Heero stated in simple words. “If I can’t be more than that to you, if that’s what you want, then we’ll both leave it at that.”

Hilde’s voice was very uncertain, “At what?”

Heero shook his head, still holding her gaze steadily. “I don’t know. I really do not know.”

~~~

I can never lie to him.

Even if Hilde did, she knew things would never work out that way. She had messed up once more but it was the better of two evils. She might have known her problems, but not the way to solve them yet. And she might had wanted to be with Heero, but she still knew, with great truth, that she couldn’t bear going on that way when it wasn’t right.

And of course, with the tendency that seemed solely hers these days, she had ruined everything once more. She might have done what she thought was right, what she could only do, but that didn’t stop the pain.

Hilde glanced at the dark sky, scorning the sight of the stars. “Was this supposed to be easy?” She asked out. Why did she have to suffer this way? God help her, she needed an answer right now.

Hilde sighed and drew her jacket nearer, cursing the cold. Late November. Of course, in all her carelessness, she had merely grabbed her jacket and stormed off from their house when Heero left her to go back to his room. Feeling tears well up in her eyes, she used the back of her hand to wipe her sleeve in a childish motion that she couldn’t prevent.

Hilde stomped her foot; too much, too fast. She just needed to get away somewhere, to free herself from the wild emotions that had been running through her the whole day. She needed to stop thinking, to clear her mind. To escape. And that was what she was going to do. Forget everything. She looked up and saw the park in the distance. The perfect place.

She dig her hands in her pockets to warm them. So cold… just like how she was feeling-her thoughts were cut off as she felt a piece of paper in her pocket.

That was strange, Hilde frowned. She never left any precious bills in her pockets. Having been forced to live once as pickpocket when she first left OZ with nothing to sustain her, and even before that, she knew how to give importance to money. Had she been that careless as to leave bills anywhere? Heck, her sadness were that strong?

Frowning, Hilde lifted the money out for inspection and moved to a streetlight as she entered the park to see its value more clearly. Squinting, she realized that it wasn’t money. It was a folded piece of paper.

A folded piece of paper…

Suddenly, her heart started pounding madly in her chest at a similar memory. Taking a deep breath, she refused to panic and slowly unfolded the paper. And in scrawling but irregular black ink,

Yu cant run anymore. Ive got yu.

Hilde couldn’t breathe.

And panic suddenly burst from within her. One that involved past pains, honed instincts of survival, anger and loss. Despair. One that shook her, erasing all sense. She stuffed the paper back in her jacket pocket and looked around frantically. They actually found her here? She bit her trembling lips. Not again. Not here.

Hilde glanced back at her pocket, realizing with rising dread that she had always left the house with her jacket, and had never seen the piece before. That meant that they had been close enough to slip it there…

To touch her…

To even enter the house.

“Bitte, not now.” She prayed.

And without another word, Hilde ran.

Blindly searching, unaware of her unstable footsteps as she tried to make her way back home. Anywhere, as long as she was safe. She had to hide once more, and this wasn’t the right place. They had found her and she could end up cornered…

“I’d rather die,” Hilde swore to herself as she rounded a corner. The coldness seeped to her bare legs now, but a stronger coldness rose from within her. Fear.

“Hilde!” A cry tore out from her left.

Hilde stopped. “Nicky?” she asked out uncertainly.

“Please-“ the child’s voice was cut off. There were sounds of struggle, of metal sliding against metal. Her hair raised at the sound, and she bit her lip. They couldn’t have taken the boy because of her…

Hilde stalked towards the alley where the sounds were coming from. “He’s only a child, damn you. Let him go!”

A trap. Hilde clenched her fists. Why the hell would they try to involve a child in this mess? Her anger now grew with each second. She knew she would have to walk in. “Come out!”

And they did, six of them, all men, if she was to look at their sizes. They were all dressed in black, and were adequately masked. The last chap held Nicky in his hands. The child looked so frightened, with his eyes wide in shock. His fingers were trembling, and there were marks of tears on his cheeks. Hilde saw, despite the darkness. Her laughing, arrogant, cheerful little friend, now reduced to an intimidated, scared child.

Broken. Tortured. They had no right, turning him into what I was then. They had no right trying to do to him what they did to me!

“Let him go.” Hilde bit out.

“Come to us first, darlin’.” Someone answered. The others snickered. Hilde glared at them. Unarmed. So they thought they could bully a little girl like her with their heavy fists? Highly unlikely. One of them had to have a gun somewhere. Hilde zeroed on the man who held Nicky. Yes, him. He was the one who had a liability. He couldn’t fight well while holding the frightened boy. He could use a gun to defend himself. Or to use it against Nicky.

Even before she moved, one of them already lunged for her. Hilde knew her fists would be aching soon so she stepped back and used her other foot to meet the man squarely in the jaw. It was only a few seconds before the other four followed him.

~~~

He watched her.

It was such a nice thing, seeing her defend herself like that. Vastly entertaining.

He watched from the corner as Hilde Schbeiker used her right hand to block a hit given by one man to her. He watched as she sensed movement behind her back and without a thought moved her elbow behind her to land with perfect accuracy on the vicinity of another man’s eye. He smiled. She was, as expected, very good.

Hilde swept down and did a roundhouse kick, sweeping down on the man to make him fall. A hit to the head, and he went down. She raised her other leg to slam into the first man’s neck, causing him to fall unconscious.

Someone grabbed her hair and yanked her behind. A pity that such pretty locks would be put in the hands of one grubby street rat. He watched as the tall thug grabbed her hand at the same time. Hilde merely twisted her hand inward to free herself off the giant’s grasp, then used her elbow to push him to her side. Just as quickly, she yelled as she used her hand to chop an incline into his neck that caused him to fall unconscious. The expression on her face was very upset, but just the same, strong. She launched herself against a wall to swing a kick to the gut of the man who held her hair. He grinned as she touched her scalp and muttered an expletive. “Hurts.”

Fairness lost its meaning as she kicked a vulnerable spot on the same man who pulled at her hair. He understood why, and the thought made him want to laugh. An angry woman fighting back was always a beautiful sight. Five down in five minutes. Not bad for an unarmed petite.

And Hilde started walking towards the last man, the one who held the boy. What a pathetic fool, he thought, as the smidgeon started walking away from her. She had discarded her torn jacket, revealing her impressive figure. He smirked. That would make things easier. He lifted his pistol.

“Let him go, mon, now.”

German indeed. He had his target. His eyes narrowed at the alluring fairy merely seconds away from his fingers. It would only take two bullets.

And that, by far, would be the end of his mission.

~~~

Hilde sighed, not in the mood to be patient. She was tired. Frightened and frustrated because of the note. Shaky because of its possible involvement in this event. Very furious because Nicky, who had nothing to do with any of this, was involved. Upset because her emotional condition had limited her fighting skills and made her feel unstable. And very, very pissed off because the man wasn’t cooperating.

“Don’t go no coming near me, Missy, or I’ll place a bullet right through the youngun’s head.” The man warned. Nicky whimpered a soft plea to her. “Hilde…” He pointed a gun towards her. “Better yet, you can go now-“

It was merely a matter of grabbing the pistol quickly and Hilde had dumbfounded the man into silence. Hilde whirled the gun around her index as she sighed. “Are ye even an expert kidnappa’, mon? You should know never to take the gun avay from yer ward. It makes it easier to grab.”

The man paled and slowly stepped back. “Stay back, I’ll strangle him to death if you do!”

Hilde went on with her pace. “Tell me. Who hired you?”

The masked man kept walking backwards. “I don’t know no nothing about stars, Missy, if that’s what you’re wantin’.”

Hilde breath caught in her throat at the word. Stars. “Let him go, Sir. I won’t do anything.”

“I don’t trust you.” The man snarled out.

Hilde glared. “I don’t trust you either, but that’s beside the point. Let him go, or I will shoot, now!”

A shot was suddenly heard from elsewhere, and before Hilde could react, the man had hurried elsewhere, leaving Nicky behind. Hilde could only stare in awe as the gun she had been holding in her fingers skidded to a halt about twenty yards away.

Someone had shot her gun. That was it. Hilde’s eyes widened. That meant that there was someone else out there, someone good with his own gun. She immediately sped towards Nicky. “Go now, Nicky, run! Get some help!”

The boy, who had only just stood up, turned to her with terrified eyes. “Hilde? Is it all okay now?”

“No, Nicky!” Hilde yelled out as she grabbed his hand. “Go!”

And that was the last word she recalled before another shot ran out and she felt a burning sensation at her side. Hilde could only think to smile gently at Nicky, nodding at him to go on, before she fell down roughly to the sidewalk. And even the way her skin scraped at all places was lost to her due to the excruciating sensation…

Hilde couldn’t find the strength to move anymore, could only smile to herself as she heard Nicky’s frantic footsteps receding in the distance. He was safe…

And there was this unbearable pain by her waist…

Can’t think… Don’t want to feel…

Someone walked towards her, and Hilde made out a pair of boots before her. She only heard a triumphant, mocking voice say to her, “I hired them, Liebe,” before her vision was claimed by darkness.

You can’t run anymore…

~~~

“Nicky, what is it?” Heero asked with the greatest amount of gentleness he could muster as the child tried to stop crying. Hilde should be the one doing this; she always had a soft spot for the boy. Heero then looked around, unsure whether he wanted her here or not. He wasn’t ready to face her yet. But she hadn’t opened the door when Nicky banged on it violently; she usually did that. Heero frowned to himself. She must have gone back down to the basement… or out to walk…

“Mister Heero!” Nicky tugged on his sleeves. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go!” he wailed.

“What is the problem, Nicky?” Heero asked firmly as he held the child’s shoulders. He had to handle this by himself. “You can tell me.”

Nicky hiccupped, then nodded. “I’m scared, Heero. Even Momma’s not home yet.”

Heero took the information patiently. “Why, Nicky?”

Nicky’s eyes widened with an indescribable accent of pain that made Heero wonder about the gravity of the situation. He glanced at the child’s arms-black and blue in some places… he had scraped knees, then tear-stained cheeks. Heero held his breath when Nicky finally spoke.

“She’s going to die.”

~~~

“You’re not going to faint on me, Liebe.”

Hilde could only open her eyes faintly as blurred visions seized her. And suddenly she was aware of the extreme pain on the right side of abdomen, of the faint vision of an alley, and of the man who stood before her, trapping her between him and the wall.

“What do you want?” She whispered, now recalling the events that lead to this. Her heart started beating violently again, alerting her of danger. Danger…

The wall behind her was moist.

Her blood.

“Good girl,” the man winked at her, and Hilde finally recognized him. The man at the dance. She gasped, and the man chuckled at her, noticing her realization. “Finally caught up on you, hasn’t it? He wanted you safe, and I wanted you weak enough not to be able to fight me. Got a good hit on your waist. Relatively harmless, since nothing entered your body, just a mighty painful wound, isn’t it?”

Hilde could only moan out as he touched a finger to her wound. She bit her lip and did not beg. Never. Goodness, she was actually standing up with him despite the unbearable sensations coming from her side. The man looked amused with her silence.

“Very well. Now, Hilde, is that your name?” He looked pleased with his generalization. “You might want to ask how I accomplished such an amazing task. Of course, you can’t very well speak easily right now, so I’m going to tell you.” He grinned wickedly, a truly handsome smile, if it weren’t for the slicing look in his eyes. Hilde could only pay attention on that as he lowered his face to whisper to her ear. “I was trained to.”

Hilde let out a sudden breath. Trained…

“Yes, Liebe, trained. Special division, weaponry, assassination. I was made to be a point-blank assassin. It helped a lot that you removed your jacket. It really made aiming easier. But of course, I already knew enough, from placing my hand on your wonderful waist some few weeks ago. Remember the dance?” He lifted her head to face him. “That was one of the greatest acts I ever saw. You looked all so civilian back there. You’d also given me my most memorable rebuttal. Not many women resist me, see?” His whisper caressed her ear.

“By the way, where’s your guy?” He laughed into Hilde’s face as her expression sobered. “Some boyfriend. I’d be here right now, fighting for you, if I were him. Of course, no one would ever know how specialized I am right now. Just like you, Liebe, and I’m sure you’re aware of that.”

“What?” Hilde finally let out.

The man rolled his eyes at her. “Don’t give me that, girl. I saw what you did to those useless goons earlier. Actually, I just hired them to see how far you went. I heard you specialized in ground combat. Not bad, actually, not bad at all-especially when you had one on the poor man. Never knew women could be that sassy when they fight.”

Hilde shook her head in disbelief at that, and the man nodded, “No need for the humble effect, Liebe. You were almost perfect! Now if only you haven’t gone that soft… you were pathetic, girl!” He pointed at her chest, “You could have killed them then and there, could have broken their neck for having taken the child, but you didn’t. You even let the captor free. That was the worst example of combat I’ve ever seen in my life. But not to worry for your mistake, Liebe, I had them taken care of.”

Her eyes widened, and the man grinned, “You want them alive? Poor you,” he trailed a finger by her cheek, “So tainted by this world. What in the world happened to you?” He gripped her chin. But Hilde jerked away from him with the small strength she could muster. “Who are you?”

His looked shocked by her words, but seemed to enjoy the revelation. “Well, what do you know? Haven’t you received the most recent note we sent you?”

Hilde bit her lip as agitation rose within her. “Then that means-“

“It’s all so perfect, isn’t it?” He laughed, lifting his sleeve to reveal the tattoo on his wrist. Hilde could make out the number 29 from his black star mark. “This is who I am, 26. And here we be, two Black Star agents all together. Fancy that. He told me to go easy on you, but I couldn’t wait any longer. Aren’t you glad that Black Star has finally found you? Now you can finally go home.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Urkomisch - Damned funny.

Koishi - er, forgot about this one in the earlier chapter. It’s a Japanese endearment. ‘Darling.’

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~