"When you wake up
and find me gone tomorrow
Don't think I meant to hurt you
I just did what we knew I had to do
Oh and all the time we knew
And time was never right for us
Time to leave this love behind
I could never leave you Baby if I see you cry.
"I'll say goodbye
for the two of us
Tonight, while you sleep
I'll kiss you softly one last time.
And say goodbye like I know we must
There's just no other way
And I couldn't bear to see your heart away
So I'll wait till you're asleep to say goodbye.
"Just realized how
hard it is to do this
I'm trying to make it through this
Say goodbye just as softly as I can
Please try to understand
'Cause time's just not the time for us.
We knew I couldn't stay
But that don't make it easier to leave you
So well I can find the strength.
"I'll say goodbye
for the two of us
Tonight while you sleep
I'll kiss you softly one last time and say goodbye.
"Before your arms
embrace me
Before your kisses take me
Before your eyes could make me stay.
"When you wake up
and find me gone tomorrow
Don't think I meant to hurt you
Goodbye."
"I'll Say Goodbye for The Two of Us." The song written by
She wanted to cry.
She turned to her right, facing the glimpses the dark landscape allowed her to see. Not now. She shut her eyes, for him.
Taking in a deep breath, she thought about the consequences that may happen if she didn't go through with her plans. At the reanalyzing of the incidents, she gasped. It was too dangerous.
She had to leave.
She gulped, then moved forward, now directly before him in his bed. Her eyes watered as she stared at his sleeping form, slightly revealing discomfort due to the unnatural balance of weight. His lids were contorted, as if sensing something wrong. Then his right arm, slung to the opposite side as if holding somebody, tightened its hold on a missing form, as if wanting to protect it, or seeking assurance.
She choked, he thinks I'm still beside him.
She forced herself to approach him, though reluctant, fearing she wouldn't let go. Slowly, she neared him, just as he whispered her name in sleep.
She compelled a smile on her face, her lips quivering as she held his hand. "Duo," she hushed soothingly as she caressed his hand, savoring the familiar feel of his impossibly soft skin and calluses for the last time.
His eyelids left its state of contortion, and returned to a peaceful appearance. His arms lost its tenseness and relaxed to her voice. An appeased smile replaced his disturbed lips as she closed her eyes and traced her fingers through it.
Her eyes watered, that always worked on him, especially whenever she would...
A tear fell from her eye as she lovingly ran her hands in gentle motions across his face, then by his hair. His blissful face burned into her memory, and she used her other hand to wipe the irate tear. "I love you, don't you know that?" she laughed shakily.
... watch him while he slept.
She couldn't bear it any longer. Just seeing his happy face was enough to make her forget... and she tore her hand from his face.
Hastily, she stood up, her movements unorganized due to her emotionality. Wiping the remaining tears, she stepped back away from him, as much as possible keeping him in her sight. One last time...
And she took the suitcase by the wall in hand, and turned to leave. But against her will, she still looked back. Sighing, she tried to stop another onslaught of tears.
It's so hard.
Remember me, Duo Maxwell. "Goodbye."
And then she ran, as fast as her quiet footsteps could allow. She closely avoided the places where the other men where. She could not bear seeing them before she left. By goodness, she would miss them so much! They were the only family she ever had, and she didn't regret meeting them. The Sweepers were the best family one like her could ever be blessed with.
But Hilde was well aware that with every step that she took, she was abandoning the life she so loved, leaving the only chance at her dreams. But she had to step away from them if she wanted to protect them...
She stood in the distance, luggage in hand. Standing before a car, she turned to give one last look at the house she was leaving. In the climax of a rising sun, the orange feathers placing its gentle, but protective hold on the two-story building made it seem impossible for her to leave. But she had to, and he didn’t know…
"Dear God," she whispered, pleading as she faced the mildly illuminating orange globe in the east "Protect them for me."
"Don’t despise me, Duo. This is for you." And with one last look, she went into the car, allowing the discreet, yet dull thud to echo in her ears. She then straightened herself, whispering, "You can’t live with a person followed by the real Death, himself." and left without a sound.
~~~
Heero looked on ahead as he fingered the activator in his hand. Within a few minutes, he was to destroy the Embassy endowed by the Space Colonial Stars on Earth. What such action could yield wasn’t new to him. He already knew.
He stared at the red button on the compartment in his hand. With the pushing of the button, total mayhem will arise, it may probably severe the strengthening ties between the Space Colonial Stars and Earth, but he didn’t care.
"Yo’ man," a tall, bulgy man in his early thirties called to him. His stubby beard twitched with irritation. "Will ya let dat doggone bomb explode or not? I don’ want ta haf ta do it for ya."
He looked at him wordlessly, and after a few seconds of silence, turned his attention back to the tall, majestic tower that stood before him. It had been heavily guarded, but it was nothing to him.
"Thirty seconds and twenty point three milliseconds left. The bombs will spread within a radius of forty meters from outside the building. I suggest you leave," the former Gundam pilot’s stoic voice began.
"A what? Dat’s impossible! Just how many bombs did ya put in the buildy ove’ there? Yo’re gonna kill us all!" the big ruffian snorted angrily. "I tell ya little boy, it ain’t gonna work dat way –"
"Leave." He said tersely. "And leave my money."
The large man stopped from his sputtering and gave him a strange look. "Yo’re crazy."
Heero actually smiled, "And so I am."
~~~
Ten seconds to go, and the man had left. Heero fingered the bag of millions of yen in hand. There was high pay, and he didn’t resist. It wasn’t because of the money, though.
What happened? He asked himself. No, it had never been about the money. He had joined the assassin group instructed by a mysterious source to destroy the Embassy. He had opted for independence, though, and had offered to set the bombs himself, as he assigned them to places as guards, though he could do without them. The leader had been insulted, him giving positions and setting instructions. But a duel of words was all it took. And his assurance was what set them into action. They were doing the wrong thing, against peace and for destruction. But the other men did it for money.
Pain.
Him, he did it for himself.
Five seconds and thirty-three milliseconds.
He needed to escape, to get away from all the darkness of the past events.
"Heero, I couldn’t wait any longer. You took so long… and I didn’t have the strength to hold up myself for you.
Years, Heero, I waited for so many years... cried your name for so many nights... I couldn't do it anymore, for I knew I would be destroying my life if I furthered it. I had been a naïve and stupid girl Heero, and I needed to change, to move forward. And I had decided to look to what’s ahead of me. My future. And Heero, you weren’t there, you were already gone.
"I tried to look for you, Heero. I tried, I kept on insisting, but you simply couldn't be placed in my life again, not if I wanted to learn and to succeed."
He needed to kill.
"Wait. You didn’t wait!" he growled.
She faced the curtains and stared outside the window, "I’m different from the Relena you have seen before. I’m the mediator now, and I’m living up to my name. See?" she motioned to herself and straightened her posture, "I'm growing stronger. I had done the right thing."
She then looked at him from the side of her eyes. "I’m leaving tomorrow, to stay with the President’s son in the second division." Her eyes watered, "Heero, I hope it’s going to be him. I’m recovering now, Heero. I’m going to be happy, finally." And she gave him a shaky smile. A genuine smile.
Happy, so she was to be happy, to have joy in her life. Him, what about himself? And then he thought that she would have been there. After finally accepting her hold on his life…
He wasn’t affected by her words, he hadn’t understood.
He pressed the button.
The Embassy exploded.
~~~
As the fire spread, the figure ran with amazing speed away from it. Holding another device in his pocket, he set to push it. But debris from what was once an enormous, towering building fell on him. One large piece buried into his left arm. He stopped for a while, the pain intensifying. But as danger loomed over him, his senses returned back to its normal pace and he proceeded in pressing the button.
As the whole building began to collapse, the figure was sent flying over to the distance. He dropped near the river, and proceeded in going there.
"Damn," Ora, the large man with Heero earlier, commented as he stared at the sight before him. They were in a safe distance, by the trees in a nearby location. "Will ya look at dat? It worked. The little rug-rat did it."
A fellow mercenary made his way near him, "Well, it worked well, I tell you. But by the way, where is the kid?"
Ora shrugged, "Dunno, left him there. Warned me about da radius, yada yada. He sure as well hav’ destroyed himself."
A female approached them and sat beside them. "I’d not be speaking if I were you, bud. If such a kid can do that," she said breathlessly, waving a hand over the destruction taking place, "assign us to various strategic places and keep us safe. Well, I’m willing to wager he’s alive."
"Why did he join us anyway. Such a newbie, yet so good, he could work on his own?" the other man asked.
"If ya ask me," Ora began, "I simply don’t know."
Suddenly, noise startled them, and they were surprised when a squad of highly trained officers greeted them. "You are under arrest," the head official yelled from the distance.
"A trap!" the woman whispered, horrified.
"Well what da ya know. The Source traded us in," Ora cursed.
"And we can’t trade them back," the other man said.
~~~
Heero looked on, interested as his face appeared on national television. He was looking at one of the display televisions before cinemas. The large screen toned on, notifying the people to stay clear of the person. Him being a "dangerous mercenary" who could "kill more" out there. The explosion killed twenty-nine, including one of the valued ministers of the Space Colonies. Along with that, a tally count of sixty-four had been injured. This has caused the wariness and the outrage of the colonies.Now look, he began, smiling from an alleyway, They weren’t able to give the controversial Source, yet they were able to give my name and appearance away. A sketch of him filled the screen, along with another of Ora’s missing group mates.
It started raining, and he leaned on the moist walls of the dark recess. Shielding himself from the raindrops, he furthered inside the place. Far enough to be safe, close enough to run off when needed, close enough to be seen.
What would she think now?
Heero smiled, but his smile was not effective. His eyes sparkled with anger, probed by the bitterness that seemed to embalm itself forever in those brown depths.
Yes, what happened? It was two years after the damaging era Maremaia gave a start to. He had been sixteen then, an immature sixteen years. He hadn’t known what to make out of that even then. Peace, finally. Yet he didn’t understand what his purpose was, and what was to happen to him. Relena, he had the chance to be with her, but he wasn’t sure.
He had been insecure, he finally admitted as he stared at the people watching the news. After the resting of the most affecting event in his life, the death of the girl, he didn’t know what to do next. He had no new rules to follow nor strength or inspiration behind him. There were no guides, and he wasn’t sure what road to take.
His life had been difficult, and no one was allowed to see him weak, or emotional. And when Relena held him… it was different, a feeling of openness breached within him. It was a sensation he had never felt before. So gentle and loving it was, that it captivated him and took its hold on him, never wanting to release itself. He was willing to admit to such an impossible thing now.
And he wanted to feel more, to know what it was like, to finally be happy or content – for just once – and even to show affection, if required. He needed to, but he was doubtful and scared.
Relena had been different, and he needed time, so to learn what he was really to do in life. So he thought, meditated, analyzed… and opened. Opened himself to what he really felt and tied to find an answer.
Hoping that someone had finally learned to accept him, he went to her. Back to her. After two years of searching, he had been ready.
And he found out that she was no longer waiting.
What was the meaning of all of that? Moving ahead?
His world had shattered then, he wasn’t intact with his emotions, but he knew that that was how he had felt. After finally putting himself in the line, he didn’t understand. After finally accepting her, how could it be that such would bring so much pain? That the revelation of emotions could actually destroy one’s world… how could she –
He gave a defiant roar as he snatched out the white linen cloth covering his injured arm, "Relena…" And, losing well-maintained control, he grabbed a piece of fallen cement angrily and tried to increase the damage by hitting the wound again. His eyes watered, and his sight blurred, funny, he always thought he had run out of tears. But that was of no meaning. No one cared; he didn’t care…
"Heero, so it is you! Oh, Pain, what are you doing here? And what are you doing to yourself?"
The female voice entered his mind.
And he looked up, familiar…
He didn’t notice her at first. She had long blue hair, falling past her shoulders, tied up by a modest ponytail. Familiar pale, porcelain face… blue eyes, long lashes, large bangs… She was not new to him; her face was already in his memory, but he couldn’t remember. But if it was so, it was evidently washed away by years of thoughts, concentration, and dusts of reprise.The rain intensified outside.
Suddenly, an image of a naïve-looking fifteen-year-old girl appeared to him. Much larger eyes defined her, and she had extremely short hair lined by outrageous bangs. Her eyes were deep blue, proudly seeking adventure. And he had always noticed how she had walked like a man…
And a distant memory caught him. Duo was holding her hand when he had seen them together in Peacemillion’s emergency clinic. Finally, a girl to charm and shut the Talking Braid, Quatre, a fellow fighter, had said about the other pilot.
He then stared at the woman before him and stated slowly, "Hilde Schbeiker."
She nodded.
But she was different from the girl he had seen before. She stood before him, clutching her coat and holding an umbrella in the other hand. Her figure was now more prominent, like Relena’s, and she looked more like a lady. She had gone taller, and her face was gentler, her eyes narrower, showing more maturity. Her hair moved in soft waves, and her bangs had settled on the side of her face. The obnoxious beret cap had been gone too. No wonder he hadn’t been able to recognize her.
"Heero," she began, worried, "what happened to you?" she beckoned as she approached him and quickly took the rock and threw it away from him. He stopped his natural instincts and yielded a sound of frustration, but ceased when her questioning eyes beseeched him.
He laughed, "I think you already know."
Her eyes widened with realization, "I see," Heero said, his muted voice reaching her, "You’re not about to ask me about the explosion," he said steadily, as if intimidating her to command her.
She smiled with understanding, "I won’t." Her eyes flashed worriedly, "But I’m not about to leave you here, either." She gestured towards his fallen state.
"You are going to turn me in." he accused, his eyes slit. He didn’t care if she was Duo’s woman or not, where it concerned him, he was willing to…
"No, I’m not," she interrupted, sighing. "Come with me, Heero, you’re in no condition to fight." She stood up.
Heero didn’t know what to say, being bewildered by the immediate invitation – he didn’t trust so easily. "I don’t need your help," he refused, independence covering his need.
She shook her head, a small smile beginning to hide beneath the veiling cover of her bangs. "I don’t know what happened Heero," she started. "But I know how it feels to hide."
She then looked at him and nodded. And, gesturing him to follow, she moved to walk away. The rain grew stronger, immediately hiding traces of her.Heero was surprised, acutely silent. He didn’t know what to think again. The realization went across his mind: that the woman and her words had suddenly confused him into stupefaction.
Conflicting urges then welled within him. He wanted to follow her, to fill the sudden need to know what her words were all about. But then again, Duo might be with her, and he didn’t think he was ready to face the outspoken pilot yet.
Yet he was in L4 colony, and Duo didn’t live there. He was from Colony L2; Hilde and him – both of them lived there, with their scrap metal business, as far as he knew. What was the girl doing here now?
He decided to find answers then, and the rising urge to just trust the woman grew within him. Something told him that doing so was the right thing to do. He weighed the effects of such an action and was then convinced by the deeming convenience of it. Thinking and rethinking, he was shocked by the sudden pressure it implemented in his mind.
He then shook his head, and so with that assurance of his instinctive thoughts, he stood up, wrapped his jacket around himself and followed outside.
There were no more people, them running from the strong rain. He could barely see the figures of the remaining persons, and thought that it was good. No one would easily recognize him. But where was that girl, Hilde?
His view went to his right and he saw the slim, lithe figure in an umbrella walking ahead. He waited a few more seconds longer and placed himself a considerable distance away from her, then followed her.
He didn’t notice another dark figure follow after them.
~~~
Hilde entered the house and removed her coat, willing it to slide away from her exhausted shoulders and hanging it by the convenience hook by the foyer. She left the door unlocked for Heero to proceed next. She knew that he would come, and had waited to put them out of suspicion.
She sighed as she rubbed her other shoulder. She had only arrived here yesterday, and had trouble settling in – she was too used to Duo being around her. And her astute leave two days before had affected her own comforts and methods in her current state of living. She shook her head.
She then walked into the dining room. Thankfully, the wooden house had been furnished. It was surprising to find it still in a very good condition, if not needing a little bit of cleaning – and that tired her. It had been five years since she last stood there, in a different light. And Duo, he had no knowledge about it. Or did he?
She sat down on the seat and lay her head in her hands, Duo. He had immediately accepted her without question, not caring about her past, as long as she cared to be his friend and companion. Yes… in actuality, it was more than just that. The stupid dummkopf had understood from the start. And the first time their eyes met, she remembered how his eyes just… knew. And demanded that she not leave. He could pretend to act foolish and uncaring but it was too late to convince her of otherwise. He understood her, his smile assured her of security, and his eyes... the most expressive part of him, telling her and showing her much more than all his words could ever say.
Maybe that was why she loved him, her thoughts, too late to express them to the person in question conceded.
They both valued each other, and the love that had been for friends grew… and grew. No, it hadn’t, she knew, for Duo had known from the start. But she had to leave, especially now. His life…
She reached out, "Duo," she whispered, "please understand…"
Her hand dropped, she was dreaming impossible things. After waiting for Duo all those years, and finally starting their blooming relationship that lasted strongly for long, he probably hated her now.
He’s not like that. She shook her head and decided not to think about Duo for the moment, for her eyes were starting to blur with tears. Aside from that, Heero was about to arrive any moment longer, and she didn’t want to look haggard, he looked worse enough for both of them.
She placed a hand to her forehead and released an exhausted breath. First Duo, then Heero… what had she gotten herself into this time?
She stood up. But somehow, she knew that this was the right thing to do.
She then began to straighten out. She stared at the dining room table, large and round. Hmm, but it lacked a good cover, or a straight, intricate rug, like back home…
She pounded her hand over the table, "Stop it!"
"Stop what?"
She turned. Heero was by the now closed door, leaning against her precious wood and clad in his wet attire. His eyes were destitute, though, and he was suspicious, somewhat teasing yet curious. She didn’t know what to make out of it.
Darn, she smiled. At least he’s here.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~